Thirty-three degrees is what was on the blinking sign showing the current temperature as I headed to my bus job. Minus the coffee I had set up and prepared last night then double checked the timer re-set for 5, sigh… so early. Which in all of my preparations of last night, I neglected to push the auto button on so that the coffee would be ready for me just before I went out the door. In passing by the sign I thought about how just one more degree less and it would be freezing, the degree in separation of ice or not, the degree of button on or off, the degree of looking for the positive or finding the frustration in the negative.
So much of one’s life is defined by the choice of how to see and interpret their view. As in driving down the road in the dark, do I look at how dark it is and moan “its’ still early”. Not noticing, the sparkling of the slight frost, lighting the places it now covers in a blanket of white highlighted by the headlights passing by. See the dark inky uninviting sky in the west or as the corner of my eye pans the broader view to notice the slight lightening of blue, to what quickly becomes a definite trail of deep glowing orange signaling the rising sun. I become lost in the glory of the picture rapidly unfolding before me, as the sun slowly heralds its arrival with a glowing dome of burning orange, which edges the dark night back, away from the approaching day.
Once again I become aware of my choices in this last week of small degrees of change. I have found in each day as I slow my mind down to be aware, slower to react, more about paying attention, feeling for the difference I can make, when I choose how to see my view.
The time off from a massive load of 5 or more horses to ride or train, getting up before the crack of dawn, hustling from one job to another, all so my life will “work”. Instead of to just slow down, feel for, and then do the next logical step. All theses so called layers of learning, all perfectly presented and wrapped. The huge load of responsibility to do the right thing, to fit in, to have everything I have pay for itself, to make everything work.
Wow, the degree of difference in learning to allow… the coffee cake whose crust was too thick and hard the day made, allowed to sit in the icebox, the next day turned into this wonderful, melting, fruit, spice, delectable treat. The son who in asking about his face, now that he wanted to know, suddenly finds his skin clearing up, with the simple difference of wiping a soapy rag across versus actually scrubbing briskly, comfortably till it tingles.
Much of my life has now become easier. I get an idea, I focus upon it, how I want it to feel, turn out, become. Seeing all the players comfortable, willing, competent …asking for guidance or information as to what is desired. I let go, I allow, and whoosh… the Universe delivers. I now realize my wishing to be different, to just be me…really is the right path!