What A Night of Day Before New Year’s

My youngest left extremely early to stay at a friend’s for tonight and today’s festivities. With no one here, no one to base my plans upon, I fed, watered, fixed coffee, two biscuits with extra blackberry preserves, just sitting down to enjoy them. When the phone rang, my oldest wanting help on how to field calls from those who start a conversation with an interesting form of manipulation, “I thought you said”, “you promised”, or even “you aren’t here yet” Those interesting calls we all get when someone else chooses to see whether they can manage us by guilt into doing something in a way that we had previously stated otherwise.
As I walked him through the steps I use of having it in writing, expecting lead time, and confirmation calls, I started cleaning, moving, fixing, repairing and straightening. For the rest of the day as I moved from one room to the next, indoors and even down to the mailbox, I found myself, picking things ups, rearranging the order of things. All the while highly aware of my subconscious working on and turning over in my mind his conversation and where I have become so aware of and much more apt at dealing with others. Definitely new boundaries, much like the discussion with my newest client over her awareness of lack of good personal body space.
Needing to check email, turned on the computer, caught up on my mail, started to finish my challenge statement, when I felt the need for a new puzzle game, to match the puzzling, churning intention in my mind. Found something new called “Rock Garden” where you rearrange the stones, till you get all the same colored ones together touching. Managed to turn out edthem. To discover it was suddenly 75 levels later, my house was cleaner, more functional, my mind was clearer and I realized that before 2012 would get here officially “I had managed this last year taken my life back.”
Such a simple thought, but a huge weight that I suspect, no, know I have been living under, carrying around since it was taught to me. As the realization reached me, I suddenly became aware of I had not eaten or been hungry since the 2 biscuits, yet I felt full, satisfied, impressed with what my mind had been toying with. All really brought to a head, when my big horse (the herd leader) had gotten hurt this last week, skinning off some hide and hair on his front right foot, enough to cause it to swell. Which besides doctoring it, I turned him out in the big pasture so he could move about, really aware of if he had been in the wild non-movement would make him easy prey. It was interesting watching the rest of the horses any time he would move slow or favor the foot. They had empathy, but were highly aware of testing him to make sure he was aptly doing his part of being in charge. No malice, no meanness, just survival.
I could see that so translating over into phone calls I occasionally have, when people start by being condescending, nice, I take a breath, let myself feel for them, and suddenly they are trying to take the conversation into this “oh woe is me” place from our previous interactions. I have to catch myself, turn the conversation to something else, and praise myself for noticing, learning, and using humor at myself for how much I have changed…when I pay attention, instead of just reacting.
I hear loud popping sounds, I open the door, fireworks going off in all the surrounding communities. It’s 12:00 New Year’s Day. I have found a new way of being, and cleaned up everything else before the year 2012…”The Year I Live Awesomely Since I’ve Taken My Life Back Completely” from all of those I had so misguidedly allowed to run rampant over me. In my false ideas of taken care of them…at my expense. Computer down, will post in the morn….Happy New Year!

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About irfriske

Trainer, coach, teacher, parent, writer, exploring and sharing the connection through observation of what the Universe reflects back to us in our continuing education in living, loving, and enjoying life in interacting with horses, people, and animals.

Posted on January 1, 2012, in Change, Love, new-beginnings, Realization, Self-Empowerment. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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