Sleep, Wonderful Glorious Undisturbed Sleep!
Truly I did not even begin to realize how much havoc I was allowing in my life, before I discovered slowing down, paying attention, getting focused on one single thing at a time. In this process of taking my life back from others who I so easily gave my rights over to in my misunderstanding of my own importance. With the cat out of the house, I have had two incredible nights of truly undisturbed sleep. Which I also noticed in my short nap a while ago, there is so much more room on the sofa, when I am not shifting away from the needling of her claws, the being walked on, or meowed in the face for her needs. Funny thing is my son (whose cat it is supposed to be) yesterday got concerned with her being outside under the house meowing forlornly like she wanted to come back in. Hissed at him when he called for her to come in, causing him to immediately change from feeling guilty, into “I guess she’s figuring it out” as he refilled her bowls and came back inside.
Kind of the same thing he is doing, as each time he comes to me with some new, important thing he wants help with, that is anything other than the tasks he is expected to complete. I stay focused, ask if the chore is done, and then when the answer is no, I reiterate “I am important!” knowing he too will figure this out, that things are different. With each of us responsible for our part, I have changed, I love myself even more, and have found several other wonderful aspects to all of this digging out from others well-meaning teachings that I misinterpreted. By internalizing their attitudes, their bad days, or their own understandings of what they were saying as gospel. To find the truths for me, as me, knowing full well I do not wear my hair the same, have the same nose, leg length, fingernails, size pants, shoes, taste in clothes, food, etc. etc. It is all these differences that make the world go round, each little thing is what causes us to enjoy the unusual and different that works for us. The same thing all the time would be boring, it’s the ups and downs, the zigs and zags, the laughter, and the tears that help us to decide what it is we want more of…I want to do the things that are fun, the things that cause my life to flow.
The upside of the last few weeks of clearing things out internally, I have discovered I gain a little weight as my body waits on me to listen to It over something I am doing that is no longer working for me. When I slow down, truly listen, feel, and hear what is going on around me, paying attention mostly to what I am telling another. I can learn what it is I need, by hearing, really hearing what it is I am telling them.
I knew I had added a little weight this last week or so, as I got out from under the weight of my being unimportant, to discover all the puffiness had disappeared, all of my clothes are looser, comfortably moving with my body as I do each of my horses and the two lessons of the day. I am loving the patience my body has shared and taught me in all of this learning to wait and follow the feel of what feels better. It is so easy, just took a while for me to face, really face that the answers from the Universe have this perfect way of communicating with me through my body, when I figured out it was and is okay to trust, really trust me. God made me in his perfect image of me…Who can argue with that!