Testing 1, 2, 3, Testing…
All starting with my youngest horse whom I have been slowly re-starting. We had him given to us 6 years ago, a very healthy, terrified, blown up 14 hands gorgeous appaloosa, with a hole, that now shows as a dent in his skull that had been added between his eyes by the previous person who started him. It has been a very long, slow, sometimes careful, sometimes very frustrating process. I just couldn’t leave him the way he was, and he has been tremendously instrumental in my learning to re-start my life by helping me to constantly learn and seek new ways to see his “now” view of life. With no information but the scar and the very reactive to everything horse, which in writing this I realize is exactly where I was at when we first acquired him. Then the year of IT (son’s accident, husband’s disappearance, divorce, betrayals, frustration, anger, sickness) when the only thing left was me to turn it around or quit… not ever an option, I love life way too much, plus I figured I needed the lesson to be learned from all of it.
So like the last few years of my life, now so very mirrored in the interaction with this small horse, who even though I am riding him, I can feel the resistance to let go and completely trust. Very evident when with a rope halter with attatched lead rope on, if one barely picks up the rope and asks for his nose to turn back to his side on the right. Softly, easily he follows the slightest feel on the rope. I walk to the other side, trying for the same soft, barely perceptible feel, yet the moment I touch the rope, he whips his head hard to the right, standing there fully braced and waiting. Yesterday’s time for the first give was 15 minutes on the first attempt, by the fifth he was soft and supple. It is amazing to me that it has taken all this time to get to him this far along. Each day a new test in whether I will repeat whatever he is so sure I might still do… before he turns his head, looks at me, to finally allow me to brush the side of his head and face with my hand.
Today’s session for him with my foot trimmer was flawless in having his feet done, when she asked him to circle first to the right which he easily gave and did, just the slight freezing to the left and her time before he softened was 10 minutes. The changes in the time it takes each time in the last week have been increasing closer together, very much mirroring my unearthing and discovering the old “wisps of thoughts” that still cause me to freeze, check, look around, then breathe as I change one more old worn out idea, to allow the new easier thought to become my new way of thinking, and being. In going to lunch to day with my trimmer friend, as we were discussing the yucks and the goodies, I began to pay attention to the energy flow. Noticing both of our energies dipped when we stayed on an unhappy conversation for more than 10 seconds, and that is was so uncomfortable that either one of us quickly helped the other to find the better feeling place where the conversation would pick up and just flow.
I became so fascinated with our good, easy, flowing thoughts, versus how murky and slow it became when an old hurt would surface. I decide to test for it in my writing, to discover wonderfully when I typed about the little horse’s past issues it felt like it took so long to describe and uncomfortable to remember. Yet in typing about his progress with me and then my trimmer friend (like right now) my fingers just fly across the keyboard. Allowing me to surmise, doing something fun is good and easy, wallowing is slow and yucky…DUH! Big no brainer… If it feels uncomfortable, I think of Abraham’s voice in the background saying “Do something else, do anything else, till the curse lifts!” which makes me laugh and I find something more fun, comfortable or enjoyable to do!
Testing… I love each and everyone in my world, whom shares and contributes in all forms and fashions, because of the wonderful pallet of opportunity it brings me to see how my life is flowing and what I can choose to focus on, change if I desire, say “no thank you to” to that I feel does not work for me, and enjoy, by diving in all of that which entertains me, lightens my heart and makes me want more!!