All Knotted Up
Taking the last few days to ponder, watch and further understand the many things that are constantly in my line of vision as I decide upon which road to travel. In all this looking, living, and being aware, just in any moment, I stumbled upon a truth that my inner consciousness has been guiding me toward.
I am fascinated with language, I love to read, use to would read anything that would be in my grasp when I was placed in situations that required waiting. At the doctor’s office, car wash, at a restaurant expecting another or even during the meal if I am alone. Though I am much more fascinated people watching, especially in the check-out lane at stores with all of the most recent magazines, papers, favorite selling books, and the tabloids with their big headlines of the newest or most bizarre things with the expectation of what is of interest to others. My craving to know more about where and if others are fully focusing on what they are about, or are they too sometimes easily pulled off their path by the energy of something new, something different to broaden their minds, fully awaken or further deaden their ability to feel what is going on in their life. Looking for guidance or relief from the pressure of the current big question which feels so stuck in their face, after they have haggled with it, turn it, studied it, fought with it, to be so backed into a corner they give up and wait for what’s next. All of this played out so wonderfully well with my small horse of the touch the rope on my left side and my nose shoots hard to the right. I have studied his reactions, truly paying attention to each small step forward. It occurred to me the knots on the halter in the place they fit on him, might be interfering with what I was asking. In such a mood to listen to my inner guidance, I dug out a much smaller than recommended rope halter, which fit him at its further most end, still fitting with my ability to place a finger under the halter at any point. The material of this halter is much softer, even the knots are more flexible. Allowing me a more flowing feel of ask, to be rewarded with his eye rolling back to see what was up with this new item. To then have his nose come down and slowly(2 minutes) rotate back around to actually look at me, then sigh, to bring his face fully around to the position I have been asking for each day.
Looking at him, noticing the knots on the halter half way down his cheek, in a position of fit typically unrecommended, now comfortably allowing this horse a successful new feeling way of working with me. The knots reminding me of the pulling in the back of my neck on the same side as this horse’s head problem. I suddenly realized a new way to view and feel my own physical situation. All of these knots I have experienced in my body at some time or other in my life, usually have followed being told what I can’t, shouldn’t, don’t, wouldn’t and all the other words that are the contraction of the possible with the word “not”. Suddenly I feel just like the little horse, with this big sigh of relief as I feel the tension lessoning in my body. I now know what it is I have been struggling/contracting so very hard to uncover, undo, understand… I am allowed to be me, when I take a stand, say yes, align my thoughts, ideas, and desire, with the actions of my physical being in total confidence. I stop asking others for yes or no’s, information absolutely, the final choice, totally mine by knowing what “feels” best for me.