Guidance: Seeking, Finding, Listening, Trusting

Seems like such a simple dream, idea, request… simmering in the back of my mind for oh so many years. Tons of words written about and toward it, in poetry, prose and random scribbles, sometimes with lines drawn through them, for fear of… being found out, ridiculed, subject to scrutiny, the what are you thinking, or having to explain why. Why, what a huge word coming from another, such a form of checkmate, stop, re-consider the entire world, those close and those who just pass through. Years of this oh so determined yearning, for this memory that always has called me forward. With clues found in movies, books, random dreams of recalling a past event, or person who once again stirs this deep, long soup of “What If”! Brought even more to the table in this last year, as most of the dreams, visualizations, and memories have shifted, become clearer, more intense. Jostling my footsteps back to person who so touched my life, as to leave remarkable sensations just as vivid as if he were in the room with me.  Last year he found me in March, showing up for quick virtual reality amusing visits at the most unusual times. Causing me to laugh, grin, and have fun in these make believe moments of him right there in my presence lightly teasing, toying, and talking to me. To abruptly disappear in August as another came to try their luck at luring me to a place I thought I could do. Just thankfully I pulled up when the air became too thick to breathe. Amazed at how a quick prayer to the Universe, found me with a text message several hours later detailing his decision to move on… unless I wanted to talk. I sighed hugely in relief, and said no, wish you well, then quietly went back to sorting and figuring me out. Months of sifting, writing, sharing, honing my skills of asking, finding, and sort of following the guidance that is always there, just I sometimes am so human when I miss the cue, because of being still stuck in others opinions of what I do. The last few days have netted me an interesting trickle of money, a few fives, couple of tens, twenty-five, and the other day guided to look down as we are trotting down the road. To espy a single dollar bill, stopped to pick it up, aware there was a larger meaning to this trail, to do with a question I had asked this last week. Netted me the gold of an answer I have been queuing up for these last two months as he has once again been invading my virtual reality. Being told by another to trust myself, to trust what feels good for me, to trust “things always work out for me”. Tonight’s movie, the very theme about my desire, tantalizing just inches away on the big screen, I am enthralled with the Universe showing me “he is coming”. I hurry to return the movie, green lights the whole way there and back, to have a hawk, at dusk, fly superbly over my windshield, just appearing, wings fully spread, allowing me to see his dark supple form before quickly disappearing from view. I breathe in deeply; feel the fullness of the thought just moments before this winged messenger’s appearance. It is my desire, my dream, it is okay to trust, to believe, to imagine…. JCJ

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About irfriske

Trainer, coach, teacher, parent, writer, exploring and sharing the connection through observation of what the Universe reflects back to us in our continuing education in living, loving, and enjoying life in interacting with horses, people, and animals.

Posted on April 2, 2012, in Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. You have hawks, I have herons! : )
    You seem very good at listening to your intuition, Cat, and if the apparent ease of your writing is any indication of your inner being, then things are flowing along quite nicely, even poetically:
    “…I sometimes am so human when I miss the cue,
    because of being still stuck
    in others opinions of what I do.”

    I hope all goes well with Mr. Virtual Reality, and with keen vision (like a hawk), that your intuition and perception lead you to happiness.
    ~ Lily

  2. Your writing here is so beautiful and so powerfully entrancing. i can feel the calling and I can feel the drawing. Like a search for treasure in reverse where there is no doubt the treasured one is on his way.

    And Lily, Herons! Me, too, and you have provided my Heron visitation for this day. He he I am so excited by Herons.

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