On The Trail Of Trust…
Following my roller coaster ride of energy experiences from the wonderful awareness of Mercury finally finding forward motion, I found myself blissfully going to sleep as I perused the audio I received yesterday for the third time. To find myself awakening to this persistent feeling of “trying to trust”, in itself a simple notion, but as the day wore on I found who it was I was most unsettled about…
My morning started with the quote on my bathroom wall “It’s better to allow this formless Spirit of God to move through you, unconditionally, in all situations and at all times. Let it move as the wind from Heaven, of which you know neither the source not the destination. As you open yourself to God’s loving presence within you, share yourself fully with the Beloved. Hold nothing back. Be vulnerable, open, as you rest in the arms of the Beloved, for your perfect vulnerability will be your perfect protection.” –John-Roger with Paul Kaye (from: The Rest of Your Life, p. 163) Savored, sucked in, felt as a directive, as I walked to the back room to get a shirt, I espied a penny on the floor. Felt it was of importance so I stuck it in my pants pocket, to be pleasantly surprised an hour later when I made my morning breakfast purchase. Not wanting to write a check or use my card, I dug through my wallet for all my change, to come up exactly one penny short, to reach in and find the gift from earlier.
Big breath, drove, re-listening again to the audio, came home, fed, was extremely tired, fighting with something, figuring it was early I could squeeze in a quick nap. So I set my alarm for an hour, sat down for a quick game of solitaire. Game after game I lost, but I couldn’t walk away and about thirty minutes into trying to win just one hand, this voice pops up in my head “Let go of the Pain, Let go of the Past” I ask from who? I continue to play, till I realize who. The minute the person pops in my mind, I win a hand and the alarm goes off.
I then take a short nap, forgetting to set an alarm for thirty minutes, yet at exactly the time I needed, the phone rang. I talked, checked mail and had ridden two horses, when I get a text about the horse trimmer coming for her scheduled visit. I had forgotten, but reminded myself I would trust this money stuff to be okay. She trimmed, we talked about the audio, then went to lunch, I am listening to my body, and only doing what feels comfortable.
Go back to drive, then head to pick up my youngest, deciding in the forty minute interim, I would find a shady place to wait instead of driving home. Turn the corner and the entire side in the shade was available. I pulled in, caught up on emails, picked him up in a decidedly better mood, to be amused by the local gas war between Wal –Mart and our local Texas grocery store fifty cents a gallon cheaper than any stores in the area( if not the state)
Get home for my last lesson, a small, determined five year old, who states she can do it all herself (with a sheepish grin the few times I step in to help) She has gotten so good at tacking up, ground work, mounting, walking and trotting by herself. Teased into trying to lope( for five more minutes of flower picking) promising her dad she can do this. Tries the first time, bouncing, giggling sliding for two strides, to pull the horse up and ask for help. I explain how to re-position,what to feel for, and she tries again, for three full strides, we continue with each time her asking for exactly what to do. Always followed by why and what to expect. Very much aware of one direction being easier, so she sticks with that till she comfortably does half a lap. Then exclaims she’s done. “Dad, I get to see the video first!” They both are so exhilarated, schedule another lesson and as they leave, I realize the gift this young lady has given me.
She learned to ask for exactly what she needed, she asked how, she asked why, she listened to her body, then re-asked until she was comfortable, trusted. secure in her own ability. I have been learning to trust me,I hold the answers I seek inside of me. I have been opening up to being a partner with source, by allowing my body to guide me. So perfectly demonstrated to me this evening by my wonderful young teacher!