Knee Jerk Reaction…
Waking up several times in the night caused my actual wake up time to feel a tad groggy… but okay since I knew 0nce my route was over, the critters were fed and tended to I could grab a quick nap. So with those thoughts in place, I went, I drove, I came home, I fed, tended and cozied up on the couch with my favorite meditation tape. To zonk out in just moments, to be jostled, startled, and literally jerked awake by this sudden aching, swelleing, I need you to notice this now! This loud, painful feeling coming from my right knee.
I woke up, fully aware and puzzled by this chain of events. I had thought I had handled this, yet I could feel there was something deeper I was missing that evidently needed my full attention “right now”. I sat up, talked to my leg, while pulling up my favorite two sources for body information and feelings from Louise L. Hay and Karol K. Truman. Which between the two sources the information that stood out as important to me were the three words, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. I thought about it, still feeling tired, asked my body what I needed to know and to show me how to deal with this. Put back on the cd and a heating pad, just about to doze off when my friend called to see if I needed anything. So we talked, went through the present information, what is going on, what mentally am I thinking about. To have the fact that my birthday is nearing, my family has been distant, and the rest just came pouring out. As she allowed me full reign of emotions, guiding me to stay focused, reminding me where they are at and what they are doing is none of my business. My business is to unlock the doors, view the evidence, take full responsibility that yes all of this happened, that by following the time line, it is a family habit that evidently dates way back. And for me to come to the awareness of it, forgive them and myself, having the courage to love myself and them anyway. I will not only heal myself, I will be changing the energy for my entire family by letting it all go now that I am aware of where it was all coming from.
She added “Because things always work out for you!” I felt this huge release, a sense of comfort and peace enfold me. When it suddenly dawned on me as I shared with her, that my three male horses mirror exactly the three males in my life. With this new knowledge we said our goodbyes and I went to work with or ride each of them. Causing the most wonderful shifts in my mental perception of both the horses and the way I have been handling and viewing these individuals. The first older horse(20), set in his way about most things, a pure drama king when he does not get his way, I laughingly applauded his performance, not buying into any of it, as I assertively asked, stood my ground, and got exactly the perfect steps, respect and agility as a team, sigh. Then horse number two(12), such a perfectionist, holding his breath, sucking his teeth and then spitting when I assertively and patiently waited till I got the feel and response necessary from a now fully engaged, breathing horse. He flawlessly becomes the amazing athlete I knew was there, but had been so afraid to push and lose his trust. To then tackle the little guy(10), quick to look away, quick to tense up, even faster to guess what I want and jump into the next moment. I softened my touch, I barely moved the halter rope…allowing him to breathe, then find me. We danced in the most magical, breathe and soften steps as he found the changes in me, suddenly becoming loose of the years of fears from someone else. Actually looking to me for guidance!
Grinning like the cat who ate the canary. I now know the energy from each of these horses has being shown to me at the exact age in these males life when they decided this is how life is, this is the safest way to survive and be. I finished feeling honored, completely changed and amazed at how quickly and thoroughly I got my answers, when I got out of my own way as what to expect! The swelling is about gone, my views of life are wonderfully changed, my amazement with the process… Totally Appreciative! Things always do work out for me!