Posted by irfriske
A few more days of cleaning, clearing, re-organizing, refreshing, breathing and being the director of my presently just home movie “Who’s Responsible”. I have been discovering the small, piddle-ly stuff that falls, is brushed off, dislodged, scraped, dropped, or settles down by a slight breeze in passing. That moves dust and tiny debris to various new places to linger, till the broom, cleaning solutions and rags are used to get an area clean. Even if the cleanliness is really just a fleeting moment in time, one that allows the since of accomplishment now… right now. Where even the air seems clearer, cleaner, a whole different sensation to breathe in, one that I love to indulge in just as much as going outside after a cool, crisp, sudden shower changes the entire atmosphere.
I have been reveling in the freedom from working four or more jobs, to re-prioritizing my life down to just few. First and foremost with even these few, has been how to minimize my effort and maximize my outcome with each and every thing I am about to do, by finding the ways to slow myself down to think what it is I want the results to feel like. In allowing my mind to visualize several different outcomes, thus enabling me to choose the simplest appealing route to completion. I have been amazing myself in the feelings that sometimes erupt in the middle of just the thought of doing something in a particular fashion. Before I would have been more prone to rush right into doing because of that’s the way it is supposed to be done, habit, limiting beliefs of frustration, lack of time, or finances.
With this new found area of choices allowed to fill my mind, turn over, analyze, select, indulge in, and decide for myself I have discovered much like eating I can imagine the outcomes and find how it is I desire to feel more alive, as I find all of these selections laid out before me in this buffet in my mind. Sometimes so enjoying this new fun process of selective imagination; I find my work more fulfilling, easier, and many times unforeseen solutions suddenly present themselves that allow me a shorter, and much times assisted way to the finished product. While I am now enjoying myself in any endeavor, much needed solutions too many other areas of my life present themselves to me. Showing me new ways to look at and complete this desire to assist others in learning how to fend for themselves and learn every choice they make, they are fully responsible for the outcome.
I have grown tremendously in letting go of being a mom, wife, girlfriend, co-worker, sister, niece, woman, girl, her, she, it or any other title that use to have conditions attached to the reward of what “felt” like the rules or bylaws of being said being. I now choose to be me, myself, I, Cat, female, maestro of my life. Alive, sensuous, aware, sleek, bidden to know myself more intimately, completely… indulging in life. To taste, select, clear, attract, clean, and clutter in my own way, at my own pace. Awaken to fulfilling each fantasy and desire in my own way and at my own time, in living out loud!