Is This Really Dating…
Okay, so I felt I had managed to change, clean out the clutter and let go of operating from OPO (other people’s opinions) enough to start throwing some pitches out to the Universe with the idea of meeting eligible, available, interesting, and different men. Allowing for my fascination with life in general to be part of the rudder of the boat I was about to captain, first in the smaller tributaries to test for seaworthiness. Then, maybe into deeper waters, depending upon how and if the fish were biting, what kind of bait seemed to be applicable, as long as it was all fun, interesting, and stimulated my inclination to want more.
First stop, two of the cowboy/horse lovers’ sites to re-up my profile and pictures, perusing the current users while there. Then to one of the sites associated with Facebook. Interesting how as I was figuring out the guidelines for the various forms of communications after finding a man of some interest. Getting to find the hidden fees at time of full commitment which change my mind, he wasn’t that interesting. But in closing the screen I suddenly get a blip from my computer about incoming mail. Check it to find mail stating “since I was a first timer, the said hidden fee would not be charged if I signed up in the next 24 hours”. I tend to be kind of funny about games and honesty, deciding my time and money would be much better spent elsewhere.
To then find myself at a free for some of their features site. Sign up was easy, quick and painless. Four hits in less than the time it took to sign up, one from the site originator, one an old friend, one hit for a quickie, and one designated guru. I read, I answered, I blocked, and I deleted. To then find and utilize the search feature, fully aware as I browsed my true tastes, desires, wishes, and filters, to manage the flow of information so easily speeding across the page. About every 12 or so, one of click on and read more would pop up. I would go explore further, amazed, awestruck, sometimes questioning, and a lot of times just plain fascinated at the variety of this huge buffet table. Definitely with something for everyone, the line of pages seemingly stretching out to infinity and every day more courses added to the menu.
Learned to use the chat, the reply, the block, the decline and the no, No, NO delete with quite good accuracy, to find myself now a week or so later, still having fun, still in charge of my choices and still uncovering mirrors of the past. Though these reflections hold much smaller shadows than in previous episodes. The biggest one being my awareness of how many references to the need for one to be “sexy” for or too another. Which became blaringly obvious in the checkout line today when I noticed all the tabloids in a whole new way, suddenly aware of all of the hype, salesmanship, stories, and information depicting perfect sex as the solution to a great relationship.
I suddenly looked at my present world, views, and thoughts that I have. Compared to the teachings of my youth, my dating years, my married years and all the ones in between. Realizing I had so bought into and lived every bit of that as truth up until these last few years of changing, healing, releasing and letting go of thinking, being or existing to fit in with others. Suddenly I have a crystal clear image of the two guys in my life who I had so much fun with, so much companionship with, sharing games of pool, cards, fishing, swimming, just plain hanging out with and truly getting to know each other, first. Became friends, buddies, cronies, then closer, more intimate, till the cross over to “oh my God, when did this happen” being in love. Not lovers, just actual dates, dances, a closeness that follows knowing the phone is about to ring as they call. Knowing how to finish each other’s sentences. Suddenly wanting more, then asking, till spoken out loud to others and the world of OPO, the peanut gallery crashes in.
Funny these sites and some of the bait being offered, the stories, the pics, the suggestions, the ones trolling for adventure, and the few fun ones who are willing to learn, figure it out, take the time it takes. On these dating sites, where getting past the loud blaring music of first timer’s, odd introductions, interesting timing and the rules of engagement (actual meetings) cause me to remember this horse quote “If when using a theory it doesn’t work on even one horse, than it is a tool, not a rule” Cindy Hawk Sullivan” Ahh but I am learning so much, enjoying the attention, and appreciating the view. Letting go, allowing myself to feel each intriguing step forward!