My email this morning from the Universe (TUT) was an inspiring piece on the top 10 things people do to give away their power:
1. Asking others what they should do. 2. Thinking God decides who gets what. 3. Worrying about how their dream will come true. 4. Thinking they have dues to pay. 5. Attaching to unimportant details and outcomes. 6. Believing in soul mates. 7. Thinking karma or spiritual contracts are absolute. 8. Fear of anything, especially falling in love. 9. Waiting for their ducks to line up before acting. 10. Choosing to be unhappy.
Understand the truth, little bird, and you will soar.
Caw-caw, The Universe
Which in and of itself set the tone for my day in more ways than I would have ever imagined. Especially when one mixes this information with the many other pieces of information I chance to open, draw my attention, or are handed to me to read. With this morning’s day starting at well before six, as I managed to beat the alarm awake with this feeling of impending change. So I fed, perused my email, fixed breakfast, showered and then began my arranging my schedule to allow me to get all horses rode before twelve thirty and the amazing heat of this last week. All the while imagining and expecting rain from the tail tell signs of the flies way to up close and personal, the heavy thickness in the air, the huge stacks of storm clouds in the distance and the blankets of clouds that kept filtering the sun’s rays. Allowing momentary relief in the arena as I moved from horse to horse, aware of how many new steps I have successfully accomplished with each mount.
As I was grooming my last horse of the morning, I suddenly had this very old thought/belief that flitted across my mind. One of those that you believe in so strongly, you would swear by it. But I noticed my reaction to it, suddenly seeing and understanding from where it came from, what was probably meant by it when I learned it, and the absurdity of it now as I truly looked at the hold it has had on me and my life.
I was just brushing the horse when the thought “animals are to be fed and taken care of first” crossed my mind. I remembered being yelled at, intimidated and threatened if I did not take care of them, before I was allowed to do anything else. I became aware of how I have held myself to that standard for years, until right then, because of the conversation I had with my client yesterday over a very old horse she had recently noticed, had been checking on, and her now disclosed feelings about why to keep it alive in such condition. It had food, water, yet its bones were visible, it was extremely hairy and in this heat…
I know there are many sides to every story, it is not mine to judge. It’s just the story made me realize how trapped I have been, because I religiously take better care of my animals first. Than I have ever done for me, and as I remembered this I thought how crazy it is, that this habit mimics my old ways of taking care of others better than me. Not realizing, if I don’t eat, drink or take care of me first, I am really not taking care of the animals to the best of my ability. I have had this habit since I was very small and my dad went ballistic over me missing feeding the dog one night and threatened me with my very life if I did anything before feeding them ever again. What a belief to install, believe in, or condition your every habit to in a total survival mode.
I came in when finished, pleased with myself for having all horses tended to before 12:30 and out of the heat. In to ponder this new awareness, to be greeted by the TUT notes in another’s blog and email. Now enjoying this process of being led, allowing stuff to come up, be looked at, decided on for how true it might or might not still be, then changing accordingly.
Aware of my body still signaling to me if I have totally cleared something, when I should pay attention, and especially if I am enjoying myself… or not. There is still tightness in the left side of my neck, typing this makes my mouth dry, though I have had a splendid evening of chick flick movies. Being entertained and having other pieces of my life shown to me in entirely new perspectives, as I discover I am looking at life more and more as a changing kaleidoscope of then, now and next. Things are what they were, can be viewed many ways, and sometimes allowing the obvious out to be reassessed can be quite liberating.