Letting Go…

Thinking deeply as I find this stirring of memory, this fondness, this feeling of a lifelong acquaintance about to be slowly coming to a close. Finding all these other memories suddenly flooding over and around me as I begin this sorting, healing, ritual that has found me once again, as one more layer comes floating up to view. I feel, unwind, and sort through the clinging grasp of tendrils of emotions I find myself almost overwhelmed in, when I ask a question about over hauling my truck which has been with me for years. 

The answer is just an honest, simple, truth when I present the idea of saving just the engine which has withstood the hundreds of thousands miles,  carrying groups of students and their horses down the road, then back home again. My suggestion to rebuild it, restore it, enable it to carry on. Is met with the mechanic’s knowledge that this year and type of engine Ford no longer manufactures. So maintaining it for parts would always be a specialty item, which I now know in the awareness to let go of it.

Shows the quietly, lingering fear… of allowing something new, something different, something powerful and real. A combination of everything good, awesome, imaginable and dreamed of, out of the hidden places of my mind, stuck behind the huge wall of resistance to truly trust. I might really deserve, have, be, and revel in my dreams. Have the things I have desired since very, very small. Having finally cleared out the tangled webs of confusion, uncertainty, unworthiness, and not enoughness to play out loud, be big, be great, and have it all… and then some. 

Slowly in the writing this tale about the last few days of my uncertainty. I see clearly I have been guided to right now, around the maze of traps I have learned to place in front of me, to stop me from moving and allowing any more forward movement than itty, bitty, tiny, baby steps. Past the tears of fear, imagined loss and pain, to the realization that have poured forth in this my writing to myself, with the listing and changing of a variety of old thought habits, questions, and odd comparisons. I understand what I have been feeling inside, not able to voice, till the words became legible before me. I love my truck. I love all of the steps that have brought me to here. Just much like training wheels on a bicycle I can move forward, balanced, and sure that new is an adventure. It’s okay to let go of the old. I am safe in each and every choice I now make. I have an entire new set of mental tools and abilities to make any and all decisions for myself. Life is Grand!

Advertisements

About irfriske

Trainer, coach, teacher, parent, writer, exploring and sharing the connection through observation of what the Universe reflects back to us in our continuing education in living, loving, and enjoying life in interacting with horses, people, and animals.

Posted on July 12, 2012, in Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Yep, letting go is hard, but sounds like you have a peaceful easy feeling, Cat. I hope you walk with happiness as you go forward. ~ Lily

  2. We do love the things that have served us well. Nice to let them go with honour and in peace. I am looking forward to hearing about your next expanded audacious adventure.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Learning to Thrive

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

cocinaitaly

comida italiana

simplisticInsights

Simple made easy! psychology love feeling emotion thought behaviour success strategy

J. Ricci Energy

From where you are now, to where you want to be

Love. Life.

It's simple, yet powerful.

Eddie Two Hawks

Plant the seeds of peace within yourself, watch them grow in the world

Pam Grout

#1 New York Times best-selling author

The Creator Writings

transcribed by Jennifer Farley, ThetaHealing Instructor/Practitioner

Source of Inspiration

All is One, co-creating with the Creator

Seven Spheres

Aqua Terra Ignis et Aer

bhardwazbhardwaz

Knowledge and Happiness(K&H) multiples by dividing it. More you share, higher and bigger they grow.

Russel Ray Photos

Life from Southern California, mostly San Diego County

HeartSphere

Conversations with the Heartmind

Simple Pleasures

Visual Poetry, Photography and Quotes

Cat's Place About Horses and Heart

Observations Of My Horse Handling World

%d bloggers like this: