Monthly Archives: August 2012
It has been a totally eye opening, deep down awareness to my very core of the amazing ideas, beliefs and habits I have been taught and bought into…hook, line and sinker. Just luckily enough I had the ability to feel out and ask the right questions, albeit they were to my inner self, my spirit over what is it that is truly going on in my life. What are the things causing these incredible dips, and curves in my life? The desire for this answer has been an almost lifelong adventure. Usually rearing this incredible question when my life circumstances reflected head long collisions into a reality I would have solemnly sworn I did not ask for or expect. But ohhh… how I would notice and feel the after effects on my body, mind, and spirit of…“Where did that train come from?”
Thankfully now, almost five years later from the biggest rebirth of my entire being, mentally, physically, spiritually and abundantly. I find myself staring back at this massive pile of strings, once tangled, knotted, intertwined, colorful, new, old and strange. Picked apart, carefully untangled, slowly rewound, sorted, disposed of the unnecessary, the used beyond useful, the tattered, and the torn. Into wonderful new, neat, clean, pretty, almost ornate arrangements waiting for me to re-weave, tie, or put them to use in ways that I find in need of at any given moment as they await for the magic of my desires, dreams and wishes to make use of them to continue building and expanding my wonderful world of creatively coaching and assisting myself and others to find and follow their gut instincts of what feels right to them.
Feeling more like it has been months since I have written, I came to the amazing final conclusion and turning point of truly knowing I found the loop hole, thread or key to this incredibly simple solution I have been so committed to understand, unearth, find and now have gotten to the bottom of. Writing here for the last hour or so just letting the rest of the pieces slowly, completely come together in my new tapestry, after I awakened from a real deep, long, relaxing, truly Texas style siesta. I felt myself asking me “how can I handle this current money situation?” To truly feel the tug of calling another, asking their advice, checking the stats, almost giving in to the habit of needing another’s approval.
Every cell in my body came alive to full alert. I felt the uneasiness, I looked around to find my office in order, espied my computer to feel this need to check my mail and interestingly open to the first one about a test to find out if, and how much one is still stuck in fear of change, success, unworthiness, loss of identity, and failure by Carol Look. As I was taking the short simple test to see where I am currently vibrating at. I felt all of these internal comparisons to the degree of agreement or disagreement within the test to effortlessly allow me to feel and see my end result now easily attainable. I clicked the finished button, to be led to the results which found me still a little hesitant, uncertain…COMPARED!
I opened to the Yahoo homepage to find the story of the young lady who did a year without mirrors’ even on her wedding day, it glowed with the light of “watch this” the answer you seek is part of this too. So I watched, listened and felt to find myself alive with a new found understanding of what it is I have been internally knowing, intuitively seeking, aware that this simple truth has been right there in plain sight all this time. Yet I have been blind, unable to see, because I had so inadvertently understood/taught… I needed others opinions to make my life, love, decisions, ideas, dreams, desires, and all the rest… okay.
In the last few weeks I have had the wonderful gift of a client who constantly questioned my prices, my way of doing things, my equipment, my training, and my contracts as I was slowly being led down the path to my present awakening of my right to be me! Any and every way that I choose to commit with certainty to being, as I was slowly being prodded, pushed, cajoled, and then told that “the customer is always right!” Which set off this lightening reaction within my entire being as I reiterated how “Appreciated, Loved, Cared For and Paid According to MY Contracts” I am because I am absolutely wonderful at what I do from all of the rest of my clientelle. I stood my ground, I demanded my rights to just be me, and I expected them to pay me. Then come get their horse and find another place to do business!
To have the Universe grace me with them bringing in the law, a veterinarian, and several of their friends who all reiterated my rights, the wonderful work I had done on and with the horse, that the owner’s choice to stop therapy because it was continuing to cost them, it was not my job to do so without payment for services rendered. I did not realize until after the last few days of allowing the dust to settle. How much of my life I have been taught to turn over to others, because of the constant comparison factor of different opinions or ideas that now I find amusingly runs so many of our lives.
I love the resonance of freedom I feel from this simple, though so very deeply ingrained habit, that I have so lovingly and carefully uncovered to now find the gem of all of me here to rely on for anything and everything as I am connected to God, the Universe, Source, the world I live in by how “I” see, or view myself. I only lose that connection when I try to be, look like or fit into any other mold that may be out there. “Trusting me”, such a simple phrase, lost many years ago, don’t know how, or when, or why…and don’t really care about that part of my past. I am just so very glad I have discovered that my solar plexus, my gut instinct, my feelings, are so much more accurate than my head, eyes, ears, or outer ways of bringing in information from others are taught to be. I really can trust my feelings because they are mine and mine alone!
Wow, a whole week fully engulfed in managing my reality, living my life, empowering others to become their best through their choices to improve their connection with their horses. Has truly found me following, observing, and understanding the messages I have found encoded in my day to day experiences. The likes of which I was truly astounded by the final conclusion from an amazing, unlikely and truly thought provoking incident on Wednesday afternoon, having found myself with a close encounter of the most unexpected breach of my privacy.
I had finished a nap after a truly easy morning of handling, riding, and increasing both the minds and agilities of the two young mares that now grace my pens. One with a finely chiseled, aristocratic Spanish-Barb head, who has taken a liking to stretching, nosing, and finagling her way to extend her limbs to find relief from a sticking point in her shoulders from her previous places of ownership. Having to be asked with slow, well defined definitions of what I am expecting, or else she pushes way to hard to do it all. Much like someone who is a people pleaser at all cost. Hurry, hurry, hurry, be the fasted to get it done right and be rewarded… instead of completion and the comparison to others who are faster, more eloquent, articulate or prettier. Much about her personality shows the change of hands in lieu of dollars for her not quite fitting the niche described as perfection at the ranch of her origin.
She tends to worry, fret, try too hard, in an effort to stay, fit in, and be okay. Originally prone to standing and weaving, staring longingly across the pasture so unsure of this latest change. Though in the month of her presence here with her new owner, as both are flourishing, expanding and learning about each other, the fretting lessens with the two constantly meeting on this common ground of true, easy companionship. To be adjusted still further next week when the chiropractor comes to realign the cause of her stiffness, which I allow her to find the easiest ways to understand and achieve the movements that are slowly reshaping her body, mind and spirit in the way that only true caring can change.
Mare number two is a “big” baby, who has been taking full advantage of the owner who rescued her with feed, caring, and overly concern of doing the right thing. The first two sessions were more of a dodge, parry, feign, send and explanation of “who” is to be the leader. As she constantly tried to put me in my place, and I allowed her to find the folly of pushing me around as I easily out maneuvered and redirected her feet, shoulders, mouth and head until I found the ears questioning me as to “exactly what was it I asked?” Then a softness in the eyes, a deep breath, followed by a yawn of “okay” leadership really is way too much work. To find by day seven, I am mounted, walking, turning, and backing this so much more willing “brat”… who is so loved, just now with borders and instructions, both owner and horse discovering a different world of communication and understanding.
Having rode and handled eight head, cooled off, napped, and had a bite to eat. I stopped to relieve myself, sitting there just kind of lost in thought, when the buzzing of rough wings much like a beetle, caused me to startle and I thought brush off the bug that I heard zoom up close to me. I stood up, checked around for the critter, adjusting my shirt and then my britches to step out of the bathroom and find myself suddenly being attacked right below my belly button. As I quickly stripped my shirt and pants to find this large red wasp stinging me in protest of being caught down there in my clothing. I flung it off, grabbed a clog and thought I had ended its spree of violence, only to have my son have to come in after several unaffective hits to crush it with his boot.
Grabbed an alcohol wipe and a magnet to quickly apply to my tender flesh, trying to figure out what I have been doing to attract such an angry response to my body’s core. The combination of quick thinking easily subdued the biggest pain, leaving me to ponder what was up, knowing I would figure this out or be guided toward the answers I finally put together this morning after dealing with my one male client and youngest son. Both caught me fully unaware of how close I had come to almost falling for their lines of helplessness and hopelessness in their responsibilities for their problems. After being brought to full awareness from the tenderness of my exposed underbelly, where I caught sight of myself bending over backwards to make things all better as I awoke from under this life long spell of “what if they don’t like me!”
I discovered I don’t care, I do my part, I do things better than most because I try, I experiment, I attempt, I put my whole self into creating solutions and how dare I rob them of the ability to be all they can be. Mad as a hornet, I pulled up short, told them both to ship up or pay the consequences; there is no more sneaking over my shoulder and using my answers… Grow up, get over it, go elsewhere or do without.
I heard sputtering, whining (without cheese) begging, pleading, cajoling, all kinds of excuses. Holding my stance like a Marine, fully encompassed in my ability to say “No”, take names, dole out punishment, and carefully document achievements. Then walk away… wait, and see, really observe to completion their owning up to what I had allowed them to almost get away with. Damn, I’m Good! Stings, bruises, naps, and all.
Love is one of the most powerful experiences that can be enjoyed by anyone – young or old, big or small, rich or poor. It’s what can bring us the greatest fulfillment, sense of success, joy, and pure happiness. We invite you now to celebrate the love in your life with this inspirational movie aptly named “The Power of Love.” Turn up your volume, sit back, relax, and enjoy.