Caring About What Others Think
It has been a totally eye opening, deep down awareness to my very core of the amazing ideas, beliefs and habits I have been taught and bought into…hook, line and sinker. Just luckily enough I had the ability to feel out and ask the right questions, albeit they were to my inner self, my spirit over what is it that is truly going on in my life. What are the things causing these incredible dips, and curves in my life? The desire for this answer has been an almost lifelong adventure. Usually rearing this incredible question when my life circumstances reflected head long collisions into a reality I would have solemnly sworn I did not ask for or expect. But ohhh… how I would notice and feel the after effects on my body, mind, and spirit of…“Where did that train come from?”
Thankfully now, almost five years later from the biggest rebirth of my entire being, mentally, physically, spiritually and abundantly. I find myself staring back at this massive pile of strings, once tangled, knotted, intertwined, colorful, new, old and strange. Picked apart, carefully untangled, slowly rewound, sorted, disposed of the unnecessary, the used beyond useful, the tattered, and the torn. Into wonderful new, neat, clean, pretty, almost ornate arrangements waiting for me to re-weave, tie, or put them to use in ways that I find in need of at any given moment as they await for the magic of my desires, dreams and wishes to make use of them to continue building and expanding my wonderful world of creatively coaching and assisting myself and others to find and follow their gut instincts of what feels right to them.
Feeling more like it has been months since I have written, I came to the amazing final conclusion and turning point of truly knowing I found the loop hole, thread or key to this incredibly simple solution I have been so committed to understand, unearth, find and now have gotten to the bottom of. Writing here for the last hour or so just letting the rest of the pieces slowly, completely come together in my new tapestry, after I awakened from a real deep, long, relaxing, truly Texas style siesta. I felt myself asking me “how can I handle this current money situation?” To truly feel the tug of calling another, asking their advice, checking the stats, almost giving in to the habit of needing another’s approval.
Every cell in my body came alive to full alert. I felt the uneasiness, I looked around to find my office in order, espied my computer to feel this need to check my mail and interestingly open to the first one about a test to find out if, and how much one is still stuck in fear of change, success, unworthiness, loss of identity, and failure by Carol Look. As I was taking the short simple test to see where I am currently vibrating at. I felt all of these internal comparisons to the degree of agreement or disagreement within the test to effortlessly allow me to feel and see my end result now easily attainable. I clicked the finished button, to be led to the results which found me still a little hesitant, uncertain…COMPARED!
I opened to the Yahoo homepage to find the story of the young lady who did a year without mirrors’ even on her wedding day, it glowed with the light of “watch this” the answer you seek is part of this too. So I watched, listened and felt to find myself alive with a new found understanding of what it is I have been internally knowing, intuitively seeking, aware that this simple truth has been right there in plain sight all this time. Yet I have been blind, unable to see, because I had so inadvertently understood/taught… I needed others opinions to make my life, love, decisions, ideas, dreams, desires, and all the rest… okay.
In the last few weeks I have had the wonderful gift of a client who constantly questioned my prices, my way of doing things, my equipment, my training, and my contracts as I was slowly being led down the path to my present awakening of my right to be me! Any and every way that I choose to commit with certainty to being, as I was slowly being prodded, pushed, cajoled, and then told that “the customer is always right!” Which set off this lightening reaction within my entire being as I reiterated how “Appreciated, Loved, Cared For and Paid According to MY Contracts” I am because I am absolutely wonderful at what I do from all of the rest of my clientelle. I stood my ground, I demanded my rights to just be me, and I expected them to pay me. Then come get their horse and find another place to do business!
To have the Universe grace me with them bringing in the law, a veterinarian, and several of their friends who all reiterated my rights, the wonderful work I had done on and with the horse, that the owner’s choice to stop therapy because it was continuing to cost them, it was not my job to do so without payment for services rendered. I did not realize until after the last few days of allowing the dust to settle. How much of my life I have been taught to turn over to others, because of the constant comparison factor of different opinions or ideas that now I find amusingly runs so many of our lives.
I love the resonance of freedom I feel from this simple, though so very deeply ingrained habit, that I have so lovingly and carefully uncovered to now find the gem of all of me here to rely on for anything and everything as I am connected to God, the Universe, Source, the world I live in by how “I” see, or view myself. I only lose that connection when I try to be, look like or fit into any other mold that may be out there. “Trusting me”, such a simple phrase, lost many years ago, don’t know how, or when, or why…and don’t really care about that part of my past. I am just so very glad I have discovered that my solar plexus, my gut instinct, my feelings, are so much more accurate than my head, eyes, ears, or outer ways of bringing in information from others are taught to be. I really can trust my feelings because they are mine and mine alone!