Sore Throat or Grumpy Itis
Was almost finished writing last night when my youngest informed me as he was back-seat reading, that “he is not as bad as my writing indicates” cough, hack, wheeze, as he began to try to complain about his sore throat, tonsils bothering him and how awful… I cut him off with a wave of my hand as I reached for my Louise Hay book on Heal Your Body. He gave me this look and told me the symptoms in the book as I read out “swallowed anger, stifle creativity”, were my fault. Then have him tell me he was mad cause of me wanting to change and I was stifling him. I grinned and kept on typing, then posted and went to bed.
To be greeted by thoughts of that conversation first thing this morning as it dawned on me, he is “sore” at me for saying no and refusing to listen to his extremely creative arguments. The next thing I noted was in his sudden sense of being sick, I did nothing. I would have in the past tried to remedy his miseries with “mom” care, now recognizing how easily that same scenario fits into the rescue someone else, get sick with them so we can commiserate in company. I realize I cannot get sick enough to help a sick person get well (thank you Abraham) and this is definitely and old habit well worth giving up.
I continued on with my morning considering how I could get the rest of the pieces to come together with my financial improvements… ways to bring in more money, faster. When this phrase popped up in my head from one of Richard Bach’s books “the Is has imagined it much better than this”. Hearing it in my head brought me up short, because I knew it was true. I could feel myself struggling to visualize any kind of progress, so I just let it all go and went to ride.
My best part of today was having fun playing with Charlie. Charlie is my crown prince of horses. He can untie most anything, faster than you tied it, and all you have to do, is turn your back. Turn back around and he is usually standing there with the lead rope in his mouth, or if you are not fast enough, busily unlatching and opening another horse’s pen. Considering my need of distraction he wonderfully took full initiative. Dancing around the round pen, matching me step for step, trying to show his total athleticism, by dodging hard left, turn, parry, thrust, rear, dart and swirl. Using every muscle in his body to show me how fantastic and capable he was. How wonderful he is to own and how good I have to be to match him in his playing on the ground.
Amused after I finished with him, I thought again about another way of dealing with my youngest doing things “my way” to have the “Is” phrase pop up again, almost like it was whispered in my ear. I realize I have loosened something, I have this feeling of words of guidance easily summoned now when I feel tense, or unsure. I know I have let something go as I walk into write, I note the internet is down. I figure supper first, pork chops, fried, but oh to make such a mess, then feel the niggling “the Is has better ideas”. I grab my phone key in the pork chop thought that follows, and up comes a way I had never considered, tickled I have all of the ingredients. A short 20 minutes later, one skillet covered in foil, oven fried pork chops, sweet potatoes and corn on the cob. Both of them via the micro wave, to find us both full, satisfied and lots of creative additions to the recipe for next time.
I came in to write to find the internet is back up, so I check my mail, open only the ones that draw and hold my attention. Start writing, aware I am comfortable as the words just flow, aware that I really do create what goes on around me by what I put my attention to. Totally in love with this attracting more of what I do want, by learning to really focus on what feels good. Listening and waiting for my body when there are indications of coloring outside of the lines by the feelings that feel just a little off.
Pleased that my son is now doing more and more without me really doing anything big or drastic, just focusing on what he does right, paying him and myself honestly for our best efforts. Funny thing in deciding as seeing him as healthy, okay and capable after last night…that is exactly how he was this morning and right now as he headed off to bed. Hee hee, this is so much fun!