There was a saying I remember about “Curiosity killed the cat… and satisfaction brought it back!” My cat like tendencies are to sit, watch and wait for the appropriate response. From my life of studying nuances that are physical, mental and spiritual in aiding the animals and people who come to me. I am so granted a view of the myriad of pieces that compose the puzzle of knots (not’s) that are in need of untangling, unraveling, and untying from periods of stress, overexertion, and plain old misunderstanding in communication from two distinctly different forms of life.
The human being looks at life from a constant flow of information from the past, present, and future who many times has been taught to depend upon others for sustenance, housing, love and approval to belong. Animals live in the moment, depending upon instincts to allow them to live, eat, breathe, drink and survive in their ability to just be alive. The biggest difference I have come to recognize and willing learning more about on a daily basis, is their ability to think and feel successfully to tune in to the necessary response in most any given situation. There is no rationalizing it out, thinking it through, wondering how it will effect tomorrow, how in the world some ancestor did it a long time ago, or does it matter to some other animal. It is about them choosing what is good or bad the outcome to live or die.
This today has brought me much relief in finding out a perfect feeling answer to the recent slew of visitations from a man from my past in my memory, when I had the realizations this morning “I feel, I love, I am alive”! Seems in the last few years of healing, digging through and unearthing all of the layers of me that erupted into that one single moment when my body had had enough. I have healed almost 100% physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is those last little fragments of understanding about thinking and feeling that have kept me searching for an answer of ease, simplicity, playfulness, the ability to relax and truly enjoy this new way of life I have been exploring and expanding into the whole of who I am, now.
When this morning I felt the answer as I was fixing myself some coffee in the early hours before I walked out to feed and meet the day. I thought how I would like my coffee as I felt the taste sensation vibrate across my palate of a certain amount of cream, sugar and then topped off with just the right blend of coffee. I had my answer the minute I opened the old can of coffee to mix the two or so remaining scoops into the new one. As I tasted the bitterness in the air, aware of now needing to thoroughly blend it into the entire can, wondering how much time I was using in all of this saving a few cents. Thoroughly amused at my ability to think a thought to feel the air for the bitterness of reaction from my senses and my sudden arrival of pleasure with a simple answer to all of my confusion over this remembered love.
I can feel! I can remember someone who loved me unconditionally as I did him! There were no rules, no one else’s opinion mattered, until I chose to trust someone else knew more about what was right for me than me. I had “given” my rights away because I never once thought I might deserve otherwise. I had such a reputation as “the goat, Cathy did it, and now what” all of this attention and responsibility to dance as fast as I could trying to stay away from the spotlight… so “they” (whoever they were) could be happy.
His sudden reappearance last year and now, have been all about having fun with myself and another no matter what. I was doing it safely in my mind at first, then out loud when I told a friend or two. Then finally outrageously as I admitted it out openly. I Can Feel! Now with learning to slow down and feel, really feel how each and every thought, word or movement feels. I can create good or bad. I have enough sense to know if it is pouring down muggy drippy rain, to go inside, get dry, change and do something else.
This has all been a lesson from my higher self to slow down, think, really feel, pay attention, and then, only then when it feels good do it. Unsure…wait, feels bad…duh, do something else, anything else that feels better. I so love myself for my willingness to experience it all, play the game, allow for the answers, figure things out. I am fantastic, life is good… and there is always more as I consciously live fully in each moment I can create and set the mood by choosing how to feel about it!