House Cleaning…

The last week or so has been a deep, slow, careful examination of all the rooms in my house. The castles from tales of old that I truly believe, each and every one of us are born into. This wondrous mansion of our mind with so many rooms of wonder and delight, that some of us are then scolded, corrected, shamed or told we are not supposed to go into because of someone else’s belief of what is right or wrong for us from their view. Causing us to slowly, but surely, close doors, board up windows, hide trash and treasures far away from us, secured, covered, barred and blocked from us, for our own well-being.

Till many years later, some incident causes us to stray from the pack. There might be scratching, sounds, feelings, or keys of interest that pull us back toward are beginnings, searching for answers when things no longer add up. As our more internal clock, our heart, beckons from the dark corridor we have hidden it in. Covered up by layers of should of’s, would of’s and maybe’s where the tiny spark of us that still burns in hope, awaits. Softly flickering, beckoning us to seek, open, try… something, anything other than what has been taught, schooled, and suggested is the only way.

I have been told that sometimes the experience to start the renovations is much like driving down the road a hundred miles an hour and you hit a tree. Run smack dab against the deepest, most special part of one’s heart, the place of hope and the answer that confronts you is so very wrong feeling. It goes so much against the grain, after you have worked so hard to achieve the brass ring of someone else ideals and your very spirit cries “Enough”. You may have had to pick yourself up several times in your life, as you continued to struggle toward this elusive goal. But this time, your body says “No” hundreds of times louder than ever before. With the pain of betrayal of self, evident in the extreme tiredness of any movement one single step further toward where you think you are supposed to be going.

That has been this last week. I received a reply asking me why from the stance of another, now, as a grown-up they wanted to know. I have tapped at least two or three hours every day, amazed at the doors, closed in my past from trying to get it right and fit in. Finding rooms overflowing with stuff that I took the time to go through and clean out. Finding some of it fixable, some of it perfect never even used, some of it just plain, simple, a whole lot of trash both blocking and behind the doors.

I have cleaned up the good, repaired the interesting, useable, worthwhile, and thrown out all things that do not mean anything to me now. Following the quote from “If when using a theory it doesn’t work on even one horse, then it is a tool, not a rule” from Cindy Hawk Sullivan. Realizing how much that works for a lot of my beliefs now sorted into the proper places in my life utility box of tool ideas that are useable some of the time when applicable or necessary.

I checked up on a lot of those old beliefs, realizing they got me through some era of my life. They have been thoroughly scrutinized for their roles, tuned up, changed, or discarded with total love and appreciation. I am free. I realize I owe no one. I am my own person. I chart my own course from now on. I am quite the sailor of my vessel, now that it has been updated, made ship shape, polished, restocked and organized to set sail on my chosen path of “Now”, right this moment toward loving and approving of myself. Every single cell, tissue, gland and part just like I am, because I am fantastic, I did it, I made it to today as I easily and readily cut the cord of my trash barge of beliefs from all my yesterdays.

Advertisements

About irfriske

Trainer, coach, teacher, parent, writer, exploring and sharing the connection through observation of what the Universe reflects back to us in our continuing education in living, loving, and enjoying life in interacting with horses, people, and animals.

Posted on October 26, 2012, in Change, Life, Love and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Congratulations on where you are and best wishes as you sail ahead! Cheers to fantastic you, Cat : ) ~ Lily

  2. Beautifully put, Cat…may you sail and see many wondrous places now you are free to go wherever you will.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Learning to Thrive

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

cocinaitaly

comida italiana

simplisticInsights

Simple made easy! psychology love feeling emotion thought behaviour success strategy

J. Ricci Energy

From where you are now, to where you want to be

Love. Life.

It's simple, yet powerful.

Eddie Two Hawks

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished

Pam Grout

#1 New York Times best-selling author

The Creator Writings

transcribed by Jennifer Farley, ThetaHealing Instructor/Practitioner

Source of Inspiration

All is One, co-creating with the Creator

Seven Spheres

Aqua Terra Ignis et Aer

bhardwazbhardwaz

Knowledge and Happiness(K&H) multiples by dividing it. More you share, higher and bigger they grow.

Russel Ray Photos

Life from Southern California, mostly San Diego County

HeartSphere

Conversations with the Heartmind

Simple Pleasures

Visual Poetry, Photography and Quotes

writeshianwrite

The thoughts in my head.

Cat's Place About Horses and Heart

Observations Of My Horse Handling World

%d bloggers like this: