Searching For Full Awareness…
Sometimes what we are searching for is so right there in front of our faces… we can’t see it because it is so close and personal. Something incredibly deep down in our depth of knowingness…
My writing as of lately has been slow to come out and just be something, anything on the page for me to peruse, much less understand. I have been writing this latest post in my mind for the last three days. Over and over listening to it being formed, constructed, de-constructed and re-composed as I searched for this niggling piece, that I could feel was right there, important, needing, no expecting to be noted, noticed, felt. In the perfect format for me to make sense of the stillness, the solitude, the emptiness of space once occupied by the rest of the world’s opinions and ideas that for so very long ruled, controlled, and was my source of involvement in the world.
As of tomorrow (12pm November the 18th) I will have completed an entire year on this voyage of discovery that I have managed to write, blog, and post about in a way to help me trace my footsteps toward being “All of Just Me!” Many times in my life when things have gotten completely sideways, sidetracked, sideswiped and one-sided I have gone to a connection to source, which in my world are the horses and owners that grace my world.
They all have been the most marvelous teachers and mirrors of the lessons or ideas I need to see, realize, change, or release in becoming the best of myself. This last week has been a revisiting and learning from the toolbox that is ever expanding as each person, animal, or thing I experience commits me more to understanding and appreciating the total uniqueness of everything. There are not certain answers in working with another. There are huge possibilities, probabilities and ideas to be utilized individually in each situation. No two snowflakes are the same. There is no cookie cutter pattern to life.
My smallest mount at the present, has done a wonderful job of showing me the wonder of going slower, feeling the smallest, subtlest change in his body. My size of being almost 6 ft, puts him at the advantage with him being stout, short, built like a tank and totally aware of “right now”. So many before me took the approach of his spooking as being crazy, unfit, and explosive, dangerous to any but the most experienced. In the emptiness of a definitive approach from any others, in my learning to watch, observe, and just be truly with him. I have discovered tons of statements once thought of as absolute truths of training… suddenly do not add up. His “spookiness” is a taught behavior that he has learned by doing this people will get away from him, leave him alone, and let him have his freedom. He spots or knows the minute another does not have his full focus. He has learned to look away, jump at the unknown, dance excitedly body hard, defensive, and should his handler buy into his tale. Where he now gets to be the leader of the dance by his confidence in his ability to distract the other beings around him.
Leading me to my recent store trip for a particular item, noting as I walked in the drama going on at the counter with the one cashier and customer holding up an incredibly long line, which first triggered the thought I could fix that. But the feeling was uncomfortable; I really wanted just what I came in for, the cashier was trying to calmly handling the escalating situation. Which as I decided I really just wanted my drink and a ticket, another cashier showed up, called me to pay for and purchase my items, leaving me with this sense of wonder at the Universe’s ability to orchestrate the solution and a winning ticket so easily.
An inspired action, followed through with focused attention, both from the thought and the feeling. Cause perfect response, leadership from being on target, truly aware of what it is we are about to do. So confidently fixed on our final object, we will net full cooperation from the Universe. Completely experienced today when I realized the biggest missing piece, was me lining up with all of me as I learn to help another who asks. Not rescue or save because the situation does not add up to what I think is going on. Many times the smoke signals are not s.o.s’s, they are just the Universe checking to see how well I have learned to be aware of what I am creating in every moment by my full focus, and intention. If I am easily distracted… then I am the one responsible for having just given my power away. For what I focus on is what I attract. No exceptions.