One consistent belief seems to be the underlying theme of the last week or so, which totally leaped into full view as I was observing my big horse today when he ignored his feed and was just playing with his hay this morning so non-typical of my main steed. Though he was already on the watch and observe list because of my finding him laying down yesterday when I returned from work to ride and then watched him gingerly get to his feet. Moving with a tell-tale limp to the grooming area where I went over him thoroughly, looking and feeling for any clues to allow me to figure out the cause of his discomfort. Finding no heat, normal body signs, and only the attempts to stay off of his left hind leg. I then took him through some simple stretches, bends, walk and trot lead line patterns noting the gradual ease back into a more comfortable handling of each of his limbs, before I gave him some natural herbs, re-brushed him down and then turned him out knowing the day off will be good for him.
To find myself re-thinking the last few days, the various cuts and gashes in the ground of the signs of brisk, rough play, with extreme turns and spins shared as the horses cavorted in the new cooler winter coming weather. Suspecting this morning he may have more going on than first surmised. Finding me checking all of the hard and fast signs I know as rules for horse health. Though my mind was doing the “what ifs” thoughts, by taking in his age, his status in the herd, what he means to me, and so on. To be fascinated by my awareness to in the other signs I was now making note of.
Suddenly the buzzard sunning on the fence post, the two other vultures that flew over as a team. The total possibility of death added to the other questions now presented to me to observe and figure out. When from within I felt this series of why’s and what’s with the singular answer quickly coming to the forefront. To be met just as quickly as what else could all of this possibly mean? When my user name from one of the dating sites I use to belong to popped into my head “Just One” and it dawned on me how well I have been taught to just choose one, logical, even if uncomfortable answer.
One person for the rest of my life, one breed of dog, one horse to own, one of anything because it has to last you forever, or its all you will ever have. Now the whys start rolling out just as fast, who says so, and what if, it dies, it breaks, it leaves, it does whatever happens to cause its disappearance and I am still alive or what if I change my mind?
Total silence from the usually clamoring crowd of voices in my head with all of their so very practiced opinions… till I heard one squeaky voice from the back “you’ll be different, you’ll be weird, you’ll be sorry, sad or just plain wrong…again!!”
I thought about it, decided I like to live, fully alive, trying different things, having different experiences, wearing clothes that feel good, fit me, works for whatever is going on at the moment. I like to choose, and evidently enjoy changing my mind, and not listening to the crowd. Hmmm… it feels good to just be aware of the now silenced voices in my head.
My horse is grazing, he is softer now, visiting with me as I write and periodically check outside to see how they all are as they browse in the yard. My treat for them allowing me to realize there is so much more to live and see if I allow for the Universe to continue to open me up to allow the millions of opportunities of abundance and life that I have never even considered, thought about or even realized were possible. After I had left here with only the first part of this post written, fascinated as I drove along thinking about some things I have been desiring to accomplish with my limited understanding of the how’s to accomplish any of them. To suddenly realize how small the crack was of allowing the Universe to help with any ideas outside of what I could conceive or come up with (much like drinking my coffee with a lid through a straw so only a little bit comes out at a time). I found my mind racing with ideas and beliefs I only thought could happen in movies, to others with money, or from the occasional miracle. Flooding my mind which was now swimming in delight with all kinds of choices that did not have to be narrowed down to “just one” for any desire to happen.
I walked back into the house, ready to face my computer and my latest nemeses of some adware and stuff that has been slowing my pc down, armed with the possibility that I could learn how to do this myself. All I had to do was listen, trust, and allow things that mentally I have yet to comprehend, as in by trusting my gut I clicked on links and found answers not following any said or prescribed that I know of computer path, to find I have not only cleaned and sped up my computer. But managed to find, detect and remove 30 items that the last few days of scanning and struggling did not even register as threats. Is life awesome or what! Allowing, letting in, and inviting God/the Universe completely into the dance with me so expands my range of choice to the infinite and beyond… Hee Hee!!!