The Ghost of the Last 15 Years…
This last week of observing, examining and figuring out where it is I am now headed, has had me fully aware, awake and conscious of my almost every moment. As I surmise, watch and listen to the signs found everywhere, now that I have uncovered, worn-out, or turned off all of the old engines that have been silently in many cases running my life. Old habits and patterns diligently worn, tried, trusted and in many cases feared… it’s just the way life is.
Funny how well I have learned in this last week to appreciate that the Universe really does have my back. I just have been forgetting to get out of the way and take my fingers off of the reins as I kept trying to force all kinds of things that were unnecessary or the really long way around to finally get the expected results. So as I thought about my truck, my sudden view of freedom of having to get something new. I was amazed at how quickly I found I had always had this awesome pocket on my person to put any request into that I could not find an answer to, and named it my God Pocket.
I asked about words I was uncomfortable with. I was told to simplify, break them down into little definitions. Search through anything anybody else thought about any word till I found two things. First would be my understanding or usual definition, then would come as many other definitions as I could find till I found a new way to view what might have been a long standing rule of application, now turned to a more “me” way of understanding it.
As I was playing with this redefining of old paradigm’s, I was graced with a new horse to start. She is pretty, young and proud of herself with her ability to have things her way. She came in deciding to set up shop by her rules. Not noticing, anything, except the places she intended to investigate. Suddenly aware of if I followed her sight line, she became stronger, more willful. Reminding me of working cattle, where if one keeps their eye on just the head, the body will make rapid departures in almost any other direction, Keeping this in mind, I set my sights on her chest, allowing my peripheral vision to note any movement out of sync with what I was asking for and within moments, I had this marvelous willing partner.
Not being one to let the Universe’s wonderful enlightenment to go to waste. I began to apply what I had learned toward my fellow human beings, especially my youngest. To be greeted with the most bizarre, displays of agile, vocal, antics any and every time he desired anything that he has not earned. I suddenly discovered all of those old silent machines of habits from my past, had been thoroughly coloring my reactions to so many what used to feel like unimaginable attacks on my sense of sanity, as I felt a total loss of control of my rights.
I found this ghost, phantom, imaginary specter that I know I created, by my habits from growing up as a youth. I could suddenly see my gift of gab relative, whom many listened to out of imagined respect for the extreme plethora of knowledge on most any and all subjects. The hands waving, the voice getting louder and more imaginative, as the tempo increased to keep the audience enthralled as they came up with the solution that sounded so plausible and possible… until one would check it out and discover the hot air that seemed to accompany the drink.
Fascinated how well the lesson with the young horse, was so easy to apply to my son. As I kept my focus on the center of his body, letting the waving hands, the extremes in voice, the wild stories of desire, attitude and unusual reasoning that was so trying to inspire me to spend what he had not yet acquired in funding. Amused even further, when I watched him go into an almost temper tantrum… that stopped even faster than it started when I caught him looking to see where my focus was. Hmmm I know I so love my ability to observe, listen, learn, and apply in this much quieter, grander world of the moment I now choose to live in.