Knowing, Rudy, Michael, Life…
I stopped myself this evening from reading any of my other emails after reading the blog of “Astrology Mon Ami” on Word Press as I felt the feelings come together to help me to finish sorting through this last week of truly feeling and knowing things are about to happen. Though this is helpful because it allows me to prepare for the events that then follow… It is a whole lot to wrap my mind around, and be fully okay with.
Last Sunday I felt the urge to go see a long standing cowboy friend of mine, to show him my new truck and just have a general friendly talk. As I pulled into his place I found it rather quiet, not like the usual quiet that occurs when one visits and the owner is absent. This was more of a blanket of calm, awaiting silence before the next page is turned. Feeling myself destined for another time for this meeting, I drove on back home, to find images of him frequenting my mind. With such urgings I went to call him and discovered when my phone had updated the other day… his number had been lost.
Not one to easily be thwarted when there were such internal urgings. I chose to go on Facebook and connect with him there, where when I went on line a mutual acquaintance connected with me about there was being a benefit for this cowboy who was now in the hospital. When I asked what was up, she gave me the news, he had been having problems and they were running tests that he needed prayers and which hospital he was in. So by Wednesday night I made plans to go the following evening to see him, going to bed that night with my next day fully planned out how to get done with my stuff early with plenty of time to visit with him.
Thursday morning found me deep in a dream where I was visiting him and he was telling me how well I was doing as a trainer, coach and teacher. Plus what a great ability I had in healing that I needed to be more confident about. I woke up feeling really positive about the dream and our visit later that day. Went to work, all things just flowing together, everyone on time, ease of traffic, checked my bus back in and hurried home to get my chores and horses tended to. When to my shock the phone rang and a friend was calling to tell me the cowboy had passed away earlier that morning…
I sat with the remembrance of his last visit, the dream and the reality of now. There was no sadness, I knew him well enough to know he truly loved living life. He would be the type to go quickly, get on with whatever the next thing would be. Just the rest of the day I kept feeling his energy as I would ask for things with whatever horse I was on and felt this encouraging sense of what would make it better or easier. Then the getting in touch with those I knew who would appreciate knowing when and where the services were.
To then find my newest filly in training limping, holding her leg yesterday morning, which found me wrapping it with magnets and turning her into a bigger pen so she could have more space to move about since standing still was causing it to swell and movement is life. As I came home last night to check on her, I find my old dog has done something to his back paw. I get him to sit down while I investigate it and find the last outside pad hot and tender to the touch, with him nudging my inquiring hand away. In finding nothing bleeding, no definite sight of an intrusive injury, I set up his heat lamp, fix him up comfortable, feed all the critters and go to bed.
To wake up this morning to a cool, soft gray, comfortable foggy morning, and as I walk out to feed, my old dog is now dragging that same paw. I hurry up and check him, then quickly feed the horses and the dogs. With him just sitting there waiting on me with these really sad, tired eyes. So I sit, I talk to him, I have this long, loving reassuring (to me and to him) conversation of how great our almost 10 years have been. How awesome a coyote defender he has been and what a wonderful job of being my best friend and guardian he has done. If it is his time to go, I understand, if not help me to know what to do next. He lays there for a while, big soft eyes searching mine, then he sighs, gets up, moves over, turns around, lays down and sighs again like all of this is just so much more than he can help with.
I leave him to go get my coffee, breakfast and periodically check on him, to find he has moved around several times. Once to lay looking out at the pens, then in the direction of the other dogs and the last time I look out he is laying on his big old paws looking at the house. I ask my youngest as he walks out the door to go check on him, as I don’t see him even wiggle an ear when the door opens. Even before he touches him I know, Michael is gone…
Wow, in a week, all these sensing, knowing, advance information. Two longtime friends, both massively in love with living life to the fullest, neither one the type to slow, down and just wait to get old. I get it. I know life is about living, it is about moving forward, loving with all we have and that means enough to let them go… however, wherever and whenever they choose. I appreciate my ability to sense things, really I do, I am just so very aware of all that I have learned about how I can choose at each moment to love what is going on and understand it… because even in death it is what is…LIFE!