Practice, Practice, Practice…
Life is about being… interested in something enough to want, need or desire to learn more. Being intrigued about any subject one may find themselves reading, studying and then practicing the new knowledge to find the feel of the acquired information enough that it draws one in desiring to know more. In this learning more, one may find oneself doodling, playing, inventing, even creating stories or scenarios with this new field of interest finding a flame of desire that slowly increases as the gathering of more material is acquired. Sometimes to the point that in refining the growing base of understanding in this new source of pleasure the time spent goes from just the occasional thirty minute break, the one to two hour sessions, to seemingly endless hours lost to the casual world so engrossed in the feelings now aroused of a limitless field of possibilities as one continues to hone this craft, game, or sport.
Hours, turn into days finding one’s mind, engrossed with the connection to a deeper part of oneself. Sometimes discovering this need, a desire that burns so very brightly, pulling one in to so connect with the entire feeling of this interest, this passion, this drawing of life’s force through us with this intense joy until every moment of NOW loses the need or awareness to time, as all feels so effortless.
In the last few weeks of my digging out, sorting through and at times almost wrestling with myself in this quest for finding a consistent connection to me feeling good, aware of so many thoughts permeating my mind to the contrary. To find occasional bouts of frustration when I would be on the trail of the latest word or thought that was bound so tightly to a personal habit of angst, when another person or thing would cause me to turn away lose my place to become involved in them instead.
I have cleared a lot that way, though it was not in the best of moods. I felt it frustrating to keep finding myself being called away when I would feel closest to “this” what felt like might be the bottom of the pile. This impossible “one last thing” that would then cause the abundance of life to flow effortlessly to me, rid of my nagging sense of doubt, concern, maybe even worry of ever getting “it” right. Actually found my self stuck on the same level of a game that I frequent and have used as my gauge of progress to win a level when I figure out a reoccurring situation, though this time it has been for over a week and a half. Though several times so sure I had “The Answer” to be interrupted, fail the level and then feel I could stretch my patience… one more time.
I so love my horses and clients! They have helped me to find and realize that so many of the things I find confusing, frustrating, annoying or worrisome… the social way I have been taught to deal with things really isn’t always true or work for everyone. Today the youngest horse in training owner took her first lesson with her horse doing almost everything by herself, including riding her new horse on the first day of the 9th week of training. The humor that found us, as I had to go over the fine points of being in balance with a horse that is learning, and some of the way out words or suggestions I use to keep the owner feeling aware and not thinking about every little thing she was doing. As I know with horses when a human goes to think, they usually hold their breath, tighten up their body and work at getting it right. Which to the horse means, this other being is uncomfortable, I need to be aware and take care of both of us, because to horses/animals in general life is one of two things…Comfortable (everything is okay, we can eat, sleep, play) or Uncomfortable( high alert, pay attention, tense up to faint, freeze, fight or flight.
As I gave the explanation for the 1000th time, it came to me what “I” have been doing to myself. I read, I study, I exam, I dissect, chew on, hold my breath, freeze up, bite my lip, grind my teeth…THINKING and TRYING so very hard to figure me out. When I truly do know better, better than ever in the last few years, there is nothing wrong with me. I am intelligent, but thinking is not being. It is work! Takes effort, I usually ache after I have sat for a long while so engrossed with my picking each little thing that is not working apart, looking for what I could or should do otherwise so things will be right.
Right? When?Tomorrow, really never comes. It is always now. The animals know this. They don’t think about anything other than now, not yesterday, not tomorrow. Just right here in the present moment. They give us the gift of “Being Present…RIGHT NOW!” They have thousand of years of instincts guiding them. They trust their gut, they don’t think what to do. They are hardwired to feel for the each and every moment.
When I play with my ponies, I ask, wait, watch for the telltale sign of them “being” with me. So that we can dance, play, run, spin, walk, pleasurably spend time together, when I will suddenly glance at my watch time has just magically disappeared, to find me and the horse relaxed, successful, breathing. Kind of like writing this blog, whichwas actually started yesterday, several times, a line or two and then…nothing.
Yet 40 minutes ago I made the full realization of how effortlessly it is to just Be ME, pay attention as the myriad of thoughts flit through my mind, live more blessedly by feeling if whatever is going on, whether it is thinking, horses, clients, supper, movies of games. If it feels comfortable, takes no effort, I can get lost just being in the experience…this is what learning to live life really is. If it is uncomfortable, I can pay attention, catch myself thinking too much, then do anything I can to change my focus, to more ease, more flow, more just fully being in the moment…allowing myself to be guided back to the dance of becoming a more truly alive, fully aware me!