Pieces of the Puzzle…
I drive for a different school district than my youngest and it seems like years since I have just had a day off with no one around and just allow it to unfold. Wow and actual day off with nothing planned.So I had a great, late, lingering in bed meditation and then wandered in to check my emails, sifted through Facebook, espied “the game” figuring I would just play for five lives.
To find myself an hour and a half later caught up in the conversation going on in my head of how to accrue the needed points to get the third star. Discovering all of these tools I have for manifesting and accomplishing things, being handed to me for me to use, get the feeling of, then discard and move to the next, as fast as I could think. All the while this discussion of ideas and possibilities was going on, I noticed how not totally focused on the task at hand I truly was. I was in a dialogue with my own mind.
Which once I noticed what was going on, I could feel my body relax as if to play along with me getting my own attention all sorted out. So I took a breath and felt my gut for advice… to find this feeling of comfort and ease. My body was allowing me to let go of time, just to be here, on the computer, not really doing anything… just being in the moment. The tension of there being any importance to being anywhere, doing anything, having to accomplish something, or finish the level… all gone, as I discovered the freedom of being with myself in silence… which lasted a lot longer than I was completely aware of as I suddenly found I had done two full rounds, both with in less than500 points of my goal and lives left over.
So I quit and closed it out to go take a shower. To find all of these thoughts and ideas, once again rapidly piecing together in my mind. As I scrubbed off the early morning and I allowed the possibilities to line up in my head. Drying off to grab my camera and snap some quick images that would allow me to show in pictures the ideal description for each chapter of my book. Went to the computer with the card from my camera to download and transfer the marvelously fluid idea into it, but no matter what I did, nothing worked.
It took a full twenty minutes of the slow feeling rise of struggling to catch myself, stop, and focus elsewhere, for my eye to spy the little link thingy with my son’s card still in it. I quickly swapped it out, then fitted it in the correct slot to have the display inform me of the 45 minutes necessary to download all of the photos. I then figured how easily I could now go play with my horses, do some chores and arrange stuff for this evening, as the computer did its thing.
Fascinated with the habit of still attempting to struggle something into place because of the old thought of the time it might take. The time it takes, is the time it takes. Was further demonstrated for me when Freckles, my short horse with the scars of being pushed too hard, to fast, to roughly. Damaged, scared, and fully having had had enough of humans six years ago… walked up to me to be caught, reached his lips out to gently nuzzle my hand for a possible treat and then brought his nose around when asked to either side, just for a soft scratch between his ears. He rode like a little, cocky, I can do whatever you require of me, because I have learned if I freeze in uncertainty of what you are asking… you will slow down and let me figure it out.
I am now doing that for me. Learning to listen for when my mind becomes too full of ideas, possibilities and questions. Slowing it down, shifting its focus, allowing myself to breathe, relax, and find a place of connection between all of the parts of me.
All these pieces and tools, none of them perfect by themselves, none of them working completely alone, none of them the only answer. All of them are parts of the bigger puzzle to who I truly am. All of them worthy, different, real, or imagined… the connective pieces that allow one to be fully alive, learning, discovering, imagining, creating or just living fully in the now. I just love how much easier it all is than I was ever told or imagined. Living fully in the now…totally is amazing!