Monthly Archives: August 2013
They do not limit themselves to just what is around their ant mound. There is always a few of them out scouting for food. They consume anything that their senses lead them to. There is no thought of we have to just eat grain or bugs, and we have to stay in our area. When they become aware of anything that sets their sensory perceptions to alert mode, and it’s edible, they are on it.
No matter the distance, height, breadth, type of terrain, or obstacles in between. The next thing one notices is a stream of their little bodies, across the ground, on inclines, and around corners as each ant becomes a link in taking all of the discovered treasure of food, back to their mound, one step, one ant, one piece at a time. The new find is broken down into smaller, more maneuverable parts, until every single scrap is accounted for back at their home base.
This day finding me engrossed in several different busy species of ants scurrying about right before the long awaited rain finally made its appearance this afternoon. Fascinated with how easily they find their way with just the tiniest indication from source to the abundance provided for them to live. As I watched the trail of fire ants up the slab, across the floor, up the plastic trash can, over the piece of string not pushed all the way in. Onto the edge of the lid, the other end was touching, and into the bowl of cat food sitting on top for the few pieces of food left from earlier this morning’s feeding.
For the last several days I have espied them in the house. Coming in at where would seem the tiniest cracks. To have a trail sometimes as long as twenty feet inside the house just for the one or two scraps of food my youngest tends to push under something instead of picking it up. Finding in my years of observation of even these tiny creatures I can tell what the weather is about to do. They start this huge in the house invasion when it is extremely dry, usually right before rain is imminent and about to come in large amounts. Both of those two requirements fulfilled today as I was in the house sorting the amazing insight I had received over so many things we ask for, are right underneath our noses.
Sometimes sitting in plain sight is every bit of abundance we seek; we have just closed ourselves off to it from the rules, opinions or ideas of others. Who tell us no, not now, not possible, it can’t be done, or you need permission to see or be that way. Read the rule book, memorize all your told, march this way, fill out the paper work, wait till your told, watch as another tells you what to think and when. All after my morning of discovery of mistakenly not checking in and asking others first, to then be caught up in the old guilt of this does not fit into anybody else’s plans for what I should be doing for them.
I got inspired; there was this title that came to me, a story which just flowed out onto the pages. I wrote, I followed my dream, trusted my gut, finished, made the cover, and published my second book. I just forgot to ask permission, to check the calendar, find out if this was okay with anyone else’s ideas of me for them. The sudden unexpected guilt lingering till I got to ride my last two horses, amazed at how much information about myself and how different life is when one lives in the moment like animals do.
The simplicity to follow an urge, check in with the senses, pay attention to right now, without a long to do’s list. Hungry, eat, need exercise, move, and have an itch scratch it. Scurry off track, feel an impulse, follow it to find something of interest, to then bring the word of the new discovery, or possibility to the group, where they all pitch in to celebrate and share.
I watched Freckles today as I once again; kept finding smaller and smaller steps to get through our remaining communication differences. Still in fascination of how taking the time to pay attention to what I sense and feel, is causing him to change, to look, and to be with me. This once wildly terrified animal now learning to trust that I am listening to him. I am watching, feeling for every little try of understanding. Always aware that if I try to think or put him on a time table, I will set us both back in our learning to cooperate and work together.
Proof positive when I went out to take pictures after the rain and the horses wandered up to see what I was doing. Where in the past Freckles would have stayed in the back, out of reach behind the other horses. I not only got to scratch him as he stood there, but had to shoe him back as I was trying to take his picture with his nose angled up trying to figure out the camera in my hand, now just as curious as the rest of my small herd. The joy is in each moment. We are provided for, when we trust, believe and know we are always guided to what is best for us. I am still allowing myself to learn to observe, feel and find what is best for me… I matter!
And the link to my newest book:
These last few weeks have found me deep in thought as I have been working through the seeming complexities of my son’s horse Freckles, writing and publishing my first book on line. All of these things are so amazingly similar and easy to understand as I now find myself on the other side of the one of the biggest puzzles of life. As I remember the wonderful, soft, attentive ride from a little while ago on a horse that I have done everything I could think of or was suggested that sounded right to me from others, with some small steady inroads into his behavior. Just never enough to get him to be safe for me much less anyone else because of his extreme responsive and explosive reactions to any and all stimuli, so deeply ingrained into almost every moment of existence.
Two days ago I woke up from an interesting dream about zombies, after watching one of the ads I saw on FB about some child asking their mom if whatever the product was would work on zombies. Finding myself while in the dream aware of these for rent horses at some stable and how much they act like zombies. By just going through the motions unless something truly gets their attention in a startling way where they tend to react to get away far enough to look at what woke them from their absentminded sleep of following the horse in front of them.
Puzzled at what my inner voice was trying to communicate to me. I found myself in a deeper place of awareness with any and all moves I or any of the horses made toward each other. To suddenly find myself watching how intently Freckles was trained on my every movement. He was literally locked into a trance of habitually reacting with even the slightest stiff, hesitant movement of my body when I stepped into his zombie zone. A place characterized by habitual without thought response to an ongoing situation one deal’s with in their lives with the defeated expectation of the same reaction they have always gotten before.
I touched, I watched, I made my actions smaller, I breathed as I watched his eye come unfrozen, then he would retreat back deep inside as his eye darted back away from the impending doom. I was so fascinated that a memory from over seven years ago with all of the time I have spent with him, could still be so deeply controlling so many of his reactions. His sense of loss of comfort and safety when even loosely tied was still traumatizing him.
I spent well over two hours slowly, carefully, untangling all of the cross wiring I had excess to, as I became aware of my total effort of watching, breathing, shifting, and rewarding without taking my concentration off of him, right here and right now. To find a much softer horse who after much yawning reached over, licking my hand, and actually touching me first.
I then unsaddled him, washed him off and turned him loose. Fully determined to finish the steps in self-publishing my first book “Finding the Feel” Tales of Learning How to Communicate with Horses at Smashwords.com where I had to pay attention to every little step, every little detail so that it was done right the first time, where then I could relax, take a break and celebrate my success of putting all the pieces together of something I have been intending to do for quite some time. All the while, even as I was learning the new steps to becoming a published writer, the little horse and his determined survival mode kept lingering in the back of my mind.
To then find myself last night after reading my book that I had also uploaded to Amazon with some typo’s and possible sentence changes that would make it easier for the reader to understand and utilize. I went to Smashwords followed the instructions, re-did the changes and within an hour or so had my book re-submitted and in the cue. As I then went to Amazon to accomplish the same task, where I found a whole series of computer technology and directions I just did not understand or could implicate. Finding me at 1 pm tired, a little frustrated, but determined I could figure this out. I could get this accomplished. It could not be that hard I thought to myself as I dozed off.
Discovering no answers as I awoke, fed, showered and headed out for my first important lesson of the day, where as the conversation between her and me flowed, I became aware of how important the differences between learning, understanding, watching, doing and feeling are, and why so much of what any of us do is in a more zombie mode. So much of what we do is because we are expected or told that is the only way it can or should be done. Kind of mindlessly going through the motions, finding minutes, hours, and even days have gone past without us fully aware much less alive going forward as we get caught up in the stories of the others all around us instead of creating each moment anew.
Like little kids do being fascinated with every little thing when they find it and bring it to us for us to observe and find their excitement and wonder to draw us in to really see a butterfly, flower or even a little bug in a totally new way.
Watching is observation as when it attracts, excites or truly holds our interest…nothing can easily distract us from it because we are so deep in fascination or amazement of watching something being done or doing something that feels too good to do anything but thoroughly enjoy it.
Learning is repeating till we get the move, the idea, or the belief firmly established as a non-thought reaction or response.
Understanding is the ability to be comfortable with explaining, teaching, demonstrating or doing it.
Feeling is the sensory reaction to stimuli by any of our main five senses: Taste, touch, hearing, seeing, or smelling.
My learning and new understanding in helping Freckles and myself out, is how much of both of our lives have been controlled by our innate habitual reaction to any uncomfortable stimulus. Caused by being convinced by others to having no faith or trust in ourselves. No thought or idea of maybe there is another way to do something than the way all of these people are telling or trying to make us believe is the way for us.
We are zombies: per Wikipedia “A zombie (Haitian Creole: zonbi; North Mbundu: nzumbe) is an animated corpse raised by magical means, such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli.
We have stopped living consciously and fully aware in each moment. We allow people, animals and things to come, barge, run, call, email or advertise us in to a state of discomfort to get us off-track of our own inner guidance, to follow along with their train of thoughts.
When it dawned on me as I was asking for Freckles nose this morning as I first touched the rope before loosening it… I watched his every movement, as aware of him as he was of me. I felt for his recognizing I was fully present, now, with him, he breathed, I breathed, and for the next 20 minutes I was fully engaged, fully aware, fully alive. No tomorrow, no stuff from yesterday or even a few minutes ago. Meeting myself and him on the totally new ground of NOW, the present, a gift each one of us can give to ourselves each and every moment of the day!