They Are Not Our Fears…
I have been cleaning out the last residues of a very big secret that was buried so deep underneath my years of living here on earth. It was buried underneath the tons of information so wonderfully shared, pushed, shoved, discovered, unearthed and finally found within myself now that I am choosing to trust the voice within me. This voice which for years being this interesting ringing like static in my right ear some would diagnose as tinnitus; described in several self- help books as occurring when one refuses or is trained away from listening to one’s inner voice. Information I found years after I had learned to pay attention any time it became louder, almost insistent as I was about to be guided toward my next step forward with information to guide me along my path.
And this morning it did exactly that with leading me to trust what I noticed out of the corner of my eye, which then led to follow the nudge to truly look at whatever was in front of me, andI needed to do it right now. Finding me standing in front of my son’s bathroom after I noted he had left his bathroom light on before leaving for school this morning and I walked over to just turn it off. I saw the few items on the floor, the accumulation of sand, and the rugs slightly a skew… all of which could easily be straightened for the guest later in the day. So I went back and got the broom and dust pan, grabbed the rugs to shake off the dirt and almost lost my footing as one rugs was stuck solidly to the floor.
I finally pulled it up, leaving part of the rubber matting stuck on the linoleum. To find myself for the next 20 minutes or so cleaning off both the residue from the floor and the rest of his small bathroom, this being physically busy allowed my last few weeks of thoughts to just filter through my brain. The thoughts about all of what I have learned, where it came from, how I have been taught to respond and what I have since learned about keeping only what is actually true for me.
I suddenly spied and really saw my son’s hairbrush as it lay there on the floor with twisted bristles, truly dysfunctional for a normal persons head of hair, much less his lion’s mane and now finding understanding in why he had borrowed mine yesterday morning without asking.
I became aware then of how much he does without asking first as I continued to scrub and clean. To find the next thought of how many things I have done in my life because I was constantly being told what to do, how to do it because of what the rules and consequences were. All of this done out of fear of being in trouble, to fit in, be first, etc. etc. that I complied with… most of the time.
The ringing in my ears became LOUDER with the next realization of how I had trapped my own kids in the same way with the fear of them not being successful by my society’s standards. For they have been in school since they were 4 to get a head start on being smarter. Being taught how to behave, what to do, how to respond, and all of the other criteria of right and wrong being drilled into them for them to be the best at somebody else’s idea of what is or would be their chosen profession for them to “fit in”.
I suddenly heard my inner self, showing me what the horses and my various students over the years have been trying to get me to listen, see, experience and realize. We are not born afraid, we are pure love, we are smart, we are always learning. We learn the moment we arrive as we learn to change and breathe in air after coming from a womb of water. We arrive here smart enough to desire experiencing life. We touch, taste, hear, feel, and breathe in our surroundings.
Babies of all kinds grow up with what they experience. If it feels good, do more. Because it is different, explore. If it hurts, or is difficult find a way around it. They do not know fear. They observe, explore, and learn by their understanding of the feedback from the world around them.
The first thing any of them usually experience is some form of communication from outside the womb, which leads them to want to explore more of the wonderful feeling things and discover what feels the right for them. Yet in my realization this morning it dawned on me the box of who another expects us to be… the expectation of fitting us in to someone else’s prescription of our life.
And many of us like me, struggle with this dilemma because of the deeper calling from inside to trust ourselves. Following this desire that seems to run so completely away from the rules, guidelines and ideas of those who we live with.
We desire the love we know is out there… somewhere… Because before we came here, we knew and experienced it by being part of it. The pure unconditional love and acceptance of the creative fabric of the Universe, a part of God, brought here in his/her image to expand and experience this world into the wonders of change, growth and awareness that breathes life inside of us as our dreams and desires are realized.
We came here to be our own unique, individualized, amazing, creative, wonderful image of source. To hopefully share and uplift each other as we discover and become amazing Imaganeers, ever expanding to enjoy our exploration and contributing to this world!