Monthly Archives: October 2014
Such an interesting morning to finally find myself writing after my last few weeks of dreams and imaginings to sign in to my computer and find confirmation in posts from friends about how we can best assist or change others is always by “our” thoughts and choices…
Yesterday I was prompted by this inner voice to look up the bible verses about Saul’s conversion after being blinded on the road to Damascus: “Acts 9:17 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit. 18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.”
The line about ” something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes” caused an electricity of energy to pulse through me and I clearly saw in my minds eye that the scales where like the ones for measuring weights. For it to then dawn on me how much we are “taught” to measure others by the standards that have been pressed upon us to be correct for the normalcy of the people we live with, hang out with, in the city, county, country or society we buy into. Taught always to be seeking to help change others into the ideas “we believe are best for them”, when the biggest change occurs when we love another completely, no limitations, no judgement… by just being aware of how what we are projecting about another is something we feel is wrong about ourselves that will be better… if the other person would change. To then find the same thing to constantly showing up in others as an indicator of what we are thinking, believing, and living is right or wrong by some standard we have learned that we are uncomfortable with, until we realize the only change comes from within.
Interesting enough as I am reveling in these very thoughts, I hear my son and his friend playing an X box game in the other room and the word “zombie” comes up… To find the voice in my head stating the thing so many people are talking about “the zombie apocalypse” is already upon so many already… who listen, read, regurgitate what the “press” (pressed upon us) news, advertisement, radio, tv, insurances, etc find a way to constantly have n front of or around us to seep into us to buy into the “belief” in fascination, fear, and the false sense of by doing whatever they say is right we will conform to feel safe and fit in.
Finding for myself in these last two months of continuous work at 2 full time jobs to the point of being able to just eat, sleep, see my son for meals and feed my horses as an interesting (in retrospect) much needed sabbatical.
Culminating in what felt like some cold coming on with the last 5 days of a low level fever, burning up on the inside, which so aided me in opening up and letting go of some really deep old buried beliefs that were so ingrained in me. Seemingly the only way for my body to assist me to discover, examine, and finally let go of all of these learned, bought into habits of beliefs… to find a deeper connection to God within in me.
The biggest awakening point coming after the total exhaustion into a deep, immersed in relief, sleep Tuesday… which was followed after waking by the words “Be still and know that I am God” with each intake of breath that I fully breathed in and then released. The entire sensation lasted for about 30 minutes with a feeling of connectiveness I have not experienced since my starting back on the journey to find the spiritual connection I had known from my NDE years ago. This being followed by small constant revelations of the unique perfectness of every part of me as me. Whom I have, do and will continue to encounter daily in others as being perfect examples of how and where I need to love all of me, by loving, appreciating and accepting every aspect of another as a mirror of something about me. Aware now it is always my ability to do something about this, when I pay attention to my each and every thought in my head, ever before it comes out of my mouth.
With love to all of you who have helped me to breakthrough to this deeper realization of me, in your sharing of your various tools, ways, ideas, and investments in becoming the all of who “YOU” wonderfully, individually and uniquely are!