Category Archives: Manifestation

Hello!!! What is this???

first responderAfter all this practicing of learning to meditate and focus… and doing an incredible job of it. “Except…”

My inner being feels much louder now that I have found the way to quiet so much of the old programs from others which use to have control over most of my attention.  The false old belief that fitting in was important. Making others happy by saving those in pain, despair, woe or whatever other drama they brought to the forefront of my attention to their neediness was the solution to being or having it all.

The voice spoke again, just a whisper as it knew I was listening…

You did so well last night, the pain that woke you about four this morning. You got up, took something for it, rearranged the bed, even turned the heating pad on low, to go back to sleep and wake up feeling fine.

Then the phone message ding… Need ride! Son hurriedly texted after checking to see if you were awake. Both of those texts you just answered. There was no focus. No thought as you read what was texted to sense inside for your feelings, then think and feel for the best answer for you.

First responder habit still has dibs on you!rescuer

No excuses seemed even a little bit plausible, as I felt the beginning of discomfort in my head. Then I grinned. The very discomfort I was feeling, was also the key to me allowing my inner self access to my attention again… from when moments before I told myself I was “having” to finish playing all of the players shown waiting in the queue, then I could go blog about what I’d discovered was true for me with the judging, focus, and looking away outside to others habit, taught in manifesting living the “perfect life”.

Softly the voice went on… Meditation was learned to quiet your mind. Focus was to learn how to hone in on “one” thing at a time. Awareness was to learn thoughts and feelings are partners in creating anything. All of these can create the most simple or complex creations when they work together.

Allowing was to learn and realize that judgment divides. In giving up deciding right from wrong, the focus is no longer outside of you. Everything is just choices to choose to continue to look at and create more of, or let go of to allow new thoughts to experience in.

The conversation with your son went better. You allowed him the choice of ranting on about all the things impossible about his transportation situation. Faced it straight on and gave him two choices that worked perfectly for you. Both required him to step up and figure out the best answer for him, from inside himself. No band aids, no hand outs, no exceptions. It’s his life.

It took for you to starting to feel physically off, stopping all of the excuses of your own “outside attention others first awareness” to feel for what you, all of your body needed. You slowed down, turned off the game without finishing it. Closed the browser, just sat with yourself, to focus on what would feel best… right now. Got quiet. Waited… to see the bottle of medicine in your mind, the amount to take with water. Then after taking care of yourself. Sat down and allowed the words to flow…

Damn… and now not only do you feel better… you finished a blog. Good Job!!!

I love this new way of tuning in to me, listening to what I am telling myself. Actually hearing all of the crazy, justifying statements that were almost silent roadblocks in any of my own movement forward. Loving when I’m in a focused state, fully invested in the experience and aligned with what is going on in the present moment. I am not worried about the outcome or any means to an end. I am learning how to be present and move with intention in caring about all of Me! Congratulating, praising and honoring all of this which is coming from within me, to me, for me. It’s so powerfully changing, honing and improving every aspect of my life.

One Degree of Difference

Thirty-three degrees is what was on the blinking sign showing the current temperature as I headed to my bus job. Minus the coffee I had set up and prepared last night then double checked the timer re-set for 5, sigh… so early. Which in all of my preparations of last night, I neglected to push the auto button on so that the coffee would be ready for me just before I went out the door. In passing by the sign I thought about how just one more degree less and it would be freezing, the degree in separation of ice or not, the degree of button on or off, the degree of looking for the positive or finding the frustration in the negative.

So much of one’s life is defined by the choice of how to see and interpret their view.  As in driving down the road in the dark, do I look at how dark it is and moan “its’ still early”. Not noticing, the sparkling of the slight frost, lighting the places it now covers in a blanket of white highlighted by the headlights passing by. See the dark inky uninviting sky in the west or as the corner of my eye pans the broader view to notice the slight lightening of blue, to what quickly becomes a definite trail of deep glowing orange signaling the rising sun. I become lost in the glory of the  picture rapidly unfolding before me, as the sun slowly heralds its arrival with a glowing dome of burning orange, which edges the dark night back, away from the approaching day.

Once again I become aware of my choices in this last week of small degrees of change. I have found in each day as I slow my mind down to be aware, slower to react, more about paying attention, feeling for the difference I can make, when I choose how to see my view.

The time off from a massive load of 5 or more horses to ride or train, getting up before the crack of dawn, hustling from one job to another, all so my life will “work”.  Instead of to just slow down, feel for, and then do the next logical step. All theses so called layers of learning, all perfectly presented and wrapped. The huge load of responsibility to do the right thing, to fit in, to have everything I have pay for itself, to make everything work.

Wow, the degree of difference in learning to allow… the coffee cake whose crust was too thick and hard the day made, allowed to sit in the icebox, the next day turned into this wonderful, melting, fruit, spice, delectable treat. The son who in asking about his face, now that he wanted to know, suddenly finds his skin clearing up, with the simple difference of wiping a soapy rag across versus actually scrubbing briskly, comfortably till it tingles.

Much of my life has now become easier. I get an idea, I focus upon it, how I want it to feel, turn out, become. Seeing all the players comfortable, willing, competent …asking for guidance or information as to what is desired. I let go, I allow, and whoosh… the Universe delivers. I now realize my wishing to be different, to just be me…really is the right path!

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