Category Archives: Peace

Illumination

I bless you are feeling fully present.illuminating heart

May the space of time you read this post in, also be time you take to breathe a little deeper. May it invite you to allow yourself to consciously receive love, from God, Source, All That Is and Me to you.

I am at peace here. My months of clearing, cleaning, and reestablishing my priorities for Me… Found me meditating, reflecting and spending many hours soaking up the time of re-discovering my true self with the joy in just being in my life and with my horses.

The first part of this year I was beginning my journey with Scoozi. With our series of starts, stops, stalls, flips and an abrupt dismount. I started to ask myself a lot of questions about what it is that “I truly do and have always wanted to do with my life”? How could I best serve in a way that is useful, unique, and true to me? In a way that felt…. right… fun and all ME!.

This time allowed me to truly look at, revise and reassess my past experiences. Finding the best way to see each memory that came to mind. Aware from my recent reminder of Wayne Dyer’s “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” A new, deeper list of self intentions was born.

Because I have become so clear in my desire to listen to my deepest dreams. To truly connect with my horses despite a very busy world of suggestions, directions, ultimatums and others ideas for me. I was able to align with my innate truth without allowing the world to distract me.

I have becoming more fluent in Horse/Human/Self connection. Aware of my old buried roots of intuitively knowing how to truly listen, feel, and connect with horses and peoples “feelings”… Because I know so thoroughly about shutting down my own personal unique ideas, for the reasoning’s from others. “Shut up, do this, wear that, because they said so.”

I have become more fluent in Self… Owning my walk, talk, looks, dreams, desires and abilities.

Supporting others by truly listening to what they hope they are saying. Versus what their bodies, inflections and words are actually communicating. Assisting them in finding their truth, their voice, their own unique signatures and styles.

I am back, and aligned with my true self. Sharing this because it’s so important to carve out time to listen to one’s heart whisper, to listen and discover… what is calling.

To recognize having a desire to learn something, to align with a cause, to start something new, or and this one is tricky – to let someone or something go…

Be brave, dear one, trust your gut…

Drop the current narrative for just a moment.

Listen… your heart is calling you.

And watch for the magic that unfolds!

Begin Again…

Caleb

The last few years I have sparsely written, as I had chosen the path of true self-discovery. Much like the weaver of a blanket who discovers in their almost completed project a couple of twisted out of place threads, which could have been just snipped, untwisted and replaced. Yet who knew instead there was much more to be gained in going back, completely undoing the months and years of work, to slowly… with new found awareness, patience and complete love of self to a place of truly knowing who I am worth to choose to rework the entire weave.

The last couple of years here in this small Texas town that has weathered the destruction and reconstruction (for me such a perfect outward expression of my inner journey) a tornado, straight line winds, massive rainfall, and just recently the edge of a hurricane, the eye passing within thirty miles to the east of here.

My oldest son changing jobs, buying his own place and settling into his current phase of life, whilst my youngest graduated, worked a series of fast food jobs, before finally finding work he truly, currently, enjoys. Including his moving out in the last few weeks as part of the series of learning the value of being on his own, which amazingly accompanied my own realization of how much of my life had been programed to taking care of others first.

In reweaving my life’s blanket, the threads I have gone within to find were all of the beliefs given to me by well-meaning others, the media, society, any and everything else that has attempted to tell me who I am so that I fit their idea of me.

I had just about found my way back to the first third of my life’s blanket the month after my youngest graduated last year, when I discovered this strange lack of activity in my routine. In puzzling over the difference as I continued with my “normal” routine, when the awareness of what the something missing was finally found me. For the first time in 24 years I did not have to “run” to school, the store, and the office to report, fix, repair, replace or return anything in assisting my boys in getting through school to be the somebody’s society expected.

I found myself bathed in the uncertainty of who was I really? I had this enormous list of things I was doing to fit into being “who I thought I was supposed to be”.  Followed by slowly, carefully, daily, unthreading, unwinding, and sorting through the colors of beliefs, ideas and suggestions that I had learned to believe were supposed to be me. Thus utilizing yoga, exercise, diet, reading, and listening to a variety of authors as I allowed myself to actually discover, be content, and happy, by doing whatever I truly desired.

It took this last year with lots of alone time with the horses, the cats, the dog, myself, this place with its amazing views and the assortment of clients for me to see the reflection of who I had been, who I could be, who I was… always vividly portrayed by the situations I would see in front of me.

I have learned what the horses have shown, taught and instilled in me, as my truth. Everything is a result of what I am vibrating, feeling, being and expecting. There are no exceptions. It took almost stripping myself bare, learning to listen to every single thought, really feeling every feeling, awareness to every word I spoke aloud to finally realize I had created my entire life, no exceptions! If I truly desired change, I would have to be as aware in my moment to moment activities of my mind, body and beliefs, as I am when I am fully aware in handling and working with anything new.

There are no idle thoughts or feelings. Animals are gifted that way. They feel their way by living fully in each moment. There is no worry about tomorrow, or yesterday. Only this moment exist.

All of my old habits of thoughts as to what another thinks is okay or right… have been the walls of the prison I held myself in by thinking that I have to be some particular way to have a life, much less my life.

I am in such an amazing place of awareness and appreciation for everything I have ever done. I KNOW I can say no and not give a rip about anyone else. Because I truly am the only one who creates in my reality. I am really for the first time in forever knowing and loving who I am, what It is I desire, and who I comfortably, completely, thoroughly enjoy being and becoming more of. I am in love and at home with myself.

Clues, Observations, Realizations, New Solutions

Ground rules … are our own. We establish what we allow or don’t, what is right or wrong for us. We learn from our experiences, when we take whatever has happened and keep turning it, until we get either a view we like, or we find what we can do differently to get the answer we seek. After my writing this morning, I went to find solutions in my favorite gold/goal mine…the horses. Starting with the biggest of my bunch, both in size and position in the herd, he is the most apt to try me. Either by moving so much into my space for attention, that it is in horse language rude and disrespectful, or acting like a spoilt brat, when he finds the first trick doesn’t work. Both of those this morning, I correctly recognized and made the right adjustments so I felt the ease of leadership. He is slowly allowing me back my expected position as in charge, head of the group, leader. The ride was easy and flowing until my trimmer arrived, when I felt him tense up, searched through myself to find I was aware of someone in the position to watch. It took some concentrated breathing to relax me and more core awareness for it to filter him to sort of relax. He managed all the patterns, actually listening for cues, and behaved in the manner that suggested I have changed, I am getting better, though I still haven’t left the peanut gallery completely out. Yet! We got out the hurting mare from yesterday. Her evaluation of some of the soreness could be contributed to her feet and the way she has been made to travel, way up on her toes like a lady in 7 inch heels, most of her life. We got through trimming all four feet, one foot needed three extra swipes with the rasp, which truly gave the mare so much needed relief. To then move on to massage, stretching, and helping the muscle that stood up each time I worked across that area, enough for the trimmer to watch it as it slowly began to release and relax. Lisa and me then began comparing notes to which parts of the various horses she was dealing with and which parts I was noticing. Both of us amused at all of the toe problems she was dealing with, my comment of “been busy walking around on tiptoes with people”. She grinned and then remarked was I aware of in my teaching format, “you have this tendency to constantly validate yourself” stop it your great. The conversation then going on about digging through the past for answers, or looking ahead for solutions, when some where right in the middle of that, we settled on looking at what was or is, to figure out what it is one wants right now in the moment. The digging for what caused it doesn’t help, but knowing how one truly feels, recognizing it, then changing how one looks to find the good or the trigger thing that sets one off. To notice it sooner eachtime, with the idea of yeah that feels like this, but I am wanting to feel like that. All and all it allowed both of us the piece/peace of still doing the scrutinizing, digging, observing, but in the constructed manner of a pile of wood thrown randomly down, looked at, then decide what is there, then reorganized into an easy to use, orderly stack.
We went to lunch, enjoyed the soup, company, and lightened conversation as we talked about the various ways we draw in information, each of us filtering in our different fashions. To come up with a very workable result that satisfies both of us. She went to her next trim, I went to drive, feeling tons lighter about my family. I desire to be treated like the important, weirdly wonderful person I am. I accept full attention, I condone being asked, I love being included because I am wanted. (That entire sentence was a work of art, I had to keep finding the thing I desire, not the old stuff…I threw out)
My son called to tell me my parts for my truck were in, from the two weeks search to find them. The fun part being originally the bill was supposed to be over $100 now that the right parts were correctly identified, the total delivered to him tomorrow is $34 . I continue driving, distracted by people pulling in front of me, then slowing down, I think, I must be going to fast in my racing mind to get things all done now. Slow my thinking, start having fun with what needs to be done, and both vehicles pulled off and turned. I love how things keep working out for me when I relax and allow!
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