Category Archives: Planning
First time in a very long while that the desire to write actually brought me to stop, sit down and just let my fingers follow the awareness’s found today.
This morning found me busy, doing all the things so that everything was in place, and ready for my two Sunday lessons. Round pen watered, horses fed and hayed, all equipment out, available and in place, with a last minute check to see if anything else needed to be done, so that things were just right.
Two hours later, found my students happy, successful, sweaty and glowing with their personal accomplishments. And me in the conflict after scheduling the next set of lessons, even earlier in the morning to avoid as much of the Texas heat as possible.
I was soaked in sweat, hair, shirt, most of my jeans, but at least my socks and shoes were dry and though heavy easy to slip off as I walked back into the welcoming cool of the house. After tending to the washed and watered off lesson horse, to send him and the other two loose for the rest of this Sunday. Aware of the feeling of my every thought, the heat, taking care of all others first, the reality of how great my place looked in perfect order.
Yet I could feel something was off. Aware of the tiredness from last night’s closing shift at 11, in bed by 12 to the early alarm at 7. All of this calculating, planning and double checking… felt off. I got myself some more water, started up a solitaire game, turned on some Abraham Hick’s, to feel the words soaking through my last few weeks of house cleaning to get to the bottom of this peculiar off feeling, permeating my skin at every move.
My eyes became heavy, as my entire body demanded rest, I flipped on a meditation and allowed it to take me away. Awakening to this feeling of recognition of an answer… to find the upside down heart my meditation afghan had formed, tossed off in my body’s desire for super cooling down. The answer ringing in my ears, as I replayed, then wrote out the entire end of the Abraham from earlier to truly let the words sink in, of my “chronic thoughts, that I’m thinking on a really regular basis, that fly in the face of who I really am and what I really know and it’s thoughts like the source within me knows that I am destined to fantastic success and than I am taking score of where I am and doubt that from time to time the source within me knows that there is no competitions. As I sometimes see others in what they are doing as competition and I feel that discomfort in that the source within me knows that what I think I want is still going to expand still further. In other words I haven’t even begun to tap the resources that are flowing to me…”
All of this belief in competition, my opinion of any other, what they are doing, wearing, breathing, speaking trying, becoming or thinking of me. Is not any of my business. It takes me away from feeling good! Away from being enough, better, or worse. It’s a habit of thought brought on by years of buying into “everyone elses opinion” of me matters, so that must mean I must either live up to their expectations or they must live up to mind. How crazy my life has been by believing in standards, trying to fit in, stand out, not fit in or even be seen.
When I felt the satisfaction of remembrance of each and every time I have ever created anything. Always caused, by an impulse, inspiration, awareness, or sudden idea that just “Felt Good” and I followed it. Not caring, not planning, just living fully, completely, in the moment. Reveling in my ability to connect to Source within me. With it’s Guiding, leading, dancing, co-creating the perfect solution for whatever had just caught my attention. To now be viewed in an entirely new way.
I’m back to being just me, doing living by finding and doing everything that feels good! 100 percent just playing and reveling with my fine tuning to be more and more me each and every moment of every day! Everyone else is off the hook to just be who they be!
Cold, crisp and clear with just the hint of pink fog off the river down below the hill and with an extremely clear sky, more differences to note as I fed. Came in for coffee and biscuits, the desire for the phone numbers presently still lost to me in my locked up phone, till I can go into town to get it repaired. So a quick email for the most important numbers is sent out to those I communicate with most often. Which interestingly enough set off a chain of events when two of the contacts put in calls promptlyback to me so I could just save the numbers. Both of them also calling with more information about the proposed arena and school, their views, ideas, and thoughts, each agreeing to stop in later to talk. About then I noticed the time, signed off and started getting ready for the day’s schedule.
First horse still moving slowly after his mishap with the fence, though still readily listening and following my body and my mood as I noticed the time, which corresponded perfectly with the arrival of my lesson. She is standing straighter, moving easier as we start her lesson. I notice her intent, her desire to learn more and expand her knowledge both about horses and this energy work I do. We have a really good, moving forward lesson, with her easily and aptly asking more questions, doing lots of thinking until her eyes light up, as she realizes her body has found the right feel and movement. She suddenly quits trying to think her way forward and allows the rhythm and movement of the dance as the feeling of partnership finds her. When we get to the end of the session as I am doing my normal follow up questions, she remarks to me how she appreciates what all of this paying attention to how her energy reacts with the horse’s has done for her. Providing her with the information she has been looking for as to why she attracted the kind of men from before. She has discovered her boundaries are changing just in the two short sessions we have had. We set the time for the next session, say our goodbyes and I grin knowing I am receiving conformation from the Universe I am going the right way.
Then both of my friends from earlier, pull in the drive way with in minutes of each other, turns out they have met before under different circumstances. We all laugh at the synchronicity of life. Then I show them the area under consideration, we each contribute our ideas and for the next 30 minutes have a short introductory of where we each coming from, setting up a general game plan to meet again in the next three days. Each person required to make notations of any and every idea, to then have a sit down, pow-wow to come up with the major mission statement and ways to tie all this stuff into a long range business plan. Every one leaves jazzed and prepared to take more steps toward our overall dream. The best part being it is so much easier to share with like-minded individuals… I so feel good about my life, my dreams, my steps forward and upward.