Category Archives: Thinking
Tears streaming down my face in apology, with no one physically present to have to apologize to. For something so simple that “I thought” I had unwittingly created a problem because I didn’t read all of the rules… After I received a polite reminder from a group I’m in.
When the feelings first came up of… shame, guilt, admonishment, reprisal??? My first thoughts started to run, I mean truly run off down that old bunny trail habit of beating myself up for my “mistake in not getting it right”… by accident.
Oh my God, who did I think I was?? I was just sharing, assisting, unasked, but coming from my best intention of the information being shared was valuable and might be of use to someone, besides just me.
When the second thought thankfully, quickly filled my mind… Cry, scream, bawl!!! React to exactly how I feel at this moment. For God’s sake woman, let it out, please don’t you dare stuff it again. Get in touch with all of yourself. That is what this moment is trying to teach you.
Don’t you feel it. Doesn’t it feel off? This reaction. This habit of thinking when someone else is just trying to reach out to let you know that you missed a turn. You went a block past your street. There is something here for you to learn. Your okay. It’s just a new step for you to choose, a new way to respond. A new better feeling belief to put in place, to replace a yucky old one that has been gumming up your reactions for years.
Ahh!!! The relief in actually listening to my thoughts and then truly finding what I am feeling as I have the thought. Something so simple as to actually respond to myself. By feeling, becoming present, honoring “my reaction” so I can find a new, better, feeling way to respond to each present moment.
Funny thing in being, in my allowing myself to be fully present with me just now. Was finding out how to fix one of the frustrating things about learning this new Office program. Where before I was inadvertently going from “insert mode” to “overwrite” mode and in not knowing how to fix it. I was just choosing to work around it, not understanding and scared of what I might have to learn… to utilize it. The answer now presented itself to me, as I was willing to be open to new possibilities to my “old reactive feeling thoughts”. By being open, actually acknowledging what I felt to be present in me. Allowed new possibilities in my life to show themselves now that I could actually see what I was doing to myself. Things are always working out for me when I allow, listen and feel for my inner guidance, present, in the moment.
Work related background about Jerry Hicks. Seemed of interest to me, after hearing him speak about being a gymnast and Am Way in one or two of the tapes, which also led to me wondering about an obituary or more tributes. Any other interesting information on one who has done so much for me in helping me to see things differently, allowing me to find out more about myself.
That’s when the fun began… First search turned up a lot of interesting blogs, many against, jealous, and justified by what seemed the one thing be it animals, religion, spirituality, the age difference, or death that was somehow stirred up by their coming into contact with the Abraham material. I shared this with my friend, whom then sent back several positive tributes, one with a great LOA story and others who interestingly attached stuff for sell.
I got the hunch to check out the other laws of the Universe, which led to Wikipedia and a synopsis of the Law of Success books originally written by Napoleon Hill, which felt so much easier to read than to buy or download the whole series off the web. When I decided to see if I could find “Think and Grow Rich”, I entered it into the search bar and within less than 5 minutes I had found it, downloaded it for free and started to leisurely read.
Wow, I got so amazed, so hungry about the third chapter I could not stop. I started copying and pasting the points of interest and by 10:15 last night I had all but three chapters to go and I was so excited after doing all the suggestions. Took my list of what I intend for the next week to bed with me, re-read it out loud and off to sleep I drifted.
Woke up, re-read what I had written, adding a new thought of doing it all by Friday. The phone rings and a client wants to know if she can come today with a horse previously not due here till middle of January. I said sure, got dressed, fed the horses, noticed water standing in a few low places and thought what an easy job for the boys to grab the wheelbarrow and move a few loads of sand to fill in.
Went back in and propositioned the 3 money hungry boys, with the added condition if it was done right and better than I expected, there would be bonus money. If I had to re-organize or show them it would be less. They charged out the door, I went and got all the paperwork ready and a cup of coffee, so pleased with my new lined up ways of thinking. Headed back out the door, the boys were busy, my client drove up, had a great starting session with her horse, and then came the horse trimmer to fix more of the transitions in the horse’s feet.
About then I saw the monkeys sneak off to go get cleaned up to ride their bikes to town, job half done, expecting me to just pay and let them go, not even expecting how strong my awareness has become. Suddenly it is like I have been given permission to live life my way. They try to bargain, I check their work, and walk away. They try to do a little more, wheedle, whine, plead, I explain it is either done right for the full amount or I pay for what they have actually done up till now. This game of who will give in first proceeds for the next two hours, till my son finally tells the others “she’s not budging, not one cent till we do exactly what she asked”. Five minutes later I have all the chores done, the holes leveled, the house clean and three young men rushing off to town before I might possibly change my mind.
I so loved all the twist and turns that brought me so many of the pieces I was still missing, and the answers formulated in such a way in a simple book I have heard about for years. Just seemed I wasn’t ready for it or the clarity it has brought till yesterday. It has taught me how wonderful my mind is, how valuable my intuition is, and how awesome I have gotten at listening to, and following what sometimes feel like really off the wall ideas, that then almost magically direct me to exactly what I have been asking for. I love me, I love my life, I love all my dreams and imaginings starting to appear right before my expecting eyes!