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Finding My Purpose…

Hmmm… this took a little bit of time to allow it to fully percolate in my mind. With all of the listening to various successful coaches being interviewed for the latest Teleseminar that I have been invited to check out for a possible new way to attract more Abundance into my life. This feeling like the umpteenth million (could be exaggerating just a tad) set of coaching calls to cross my path on my way to becoming??? More Abundant, Allowing, Attracting, Aware, and all the other A words that have found their way to my email box since my initiation into the world of Universal laws not commonly found in one’s generic schooling.

But that is okay, mostly because I have always believed that desiring and attaining more knowledge is the key to health, happiness and life. Though sometimes what we are learning about, hopefully teaches us to quickly and eventually find the flip-side of what is our current experience. All of this bringing me around to what I have figured out for me, as I allowed the sudden breaking up of the audio book I got for my birthday, hence suggesting to me I had learned enough, back off, allow this to sift, and let the globs of discomfort, and the aching Knee-d (need) in my leg to be felt/heard.

The minute I stopped the player, my mind flashed back to the energy clearing with the little girl on Saturday. The steps I had used from the book’s instructions, the instinctive additions, and ad libs I used to get such an easy profound change. Suddenly I felt a bigger picture, I saw the hook, tease, bait of almost all of what was being offered up front. Minus the finale, albeit maybe not intentionally, except I have listened and done enough self-help things to always fall just short of the miraculous finish I was expecting.

I found myself staring at the much sought after prize of my full path, my reason for coming, maybe even most of ours purpose. The very idea of what it is I am doing most of the time, in a lot of area’s and ways, just not all of the time, because now looking at it… to quote Abraham “The hard part of it, is it is Easy!”

  I came here to figure things out. To get into situations, to learn, grow and expand. By figuring out what it is I next want. Like buying a car, one decides on the make, model, year, price, color…. Then buys it, to decorate, furnish, accessorize, add to it all the things that make it mine, individually to my taste. Many times with others suggestions, some that we really don’t want, but do to not hurt another’s feelings (instead of just trusting ourselves completely) Dating, marrying, associating with others, going to school, getting jobs, living somewhere, moving somewhere… on and on the list goes. Just that when it goes wrong, falls apart, changes, or we change, we keep digging around in yesterday, trying to put it back together, fix it, destroy it further…

All of that instead of realizing we created it, and now we are ready to create the next new thing. Which we create ucky if we are still hauling around all the garbage of yesterday, instead of just taking out the good parts and trashing all the rest of it… This includes unknown habits, thoughts we continuously think and express, like a computer stuck on rebooting, because the computer is full and needs more memory. This is easily accomplished by deleting old files then dumping the recycle bin, saving the good stuff and updating the computer with more memory or a new computer. 

Now add to that my energy work with the young lady, and what I did from pure instinct and actually remembered parts from my EFT certification. I didn’t just release the old emotions; I kept replacing and updating her memories of what we were working on. I would ask her to describe how she was feeling by describing where it was and what color it was. All of her descriptions were of yucky colors. I would then do the clearing work, with her then describing the new colors, which she would then describe as pretty or softer shades of the new feeling.

So many of these self-help things I have done over the years describe the process so that one replaces the old with something new, more desirable. Though I have heard it and attempted it, a lot, it’s because of yesterday and my new image I have placed in my mind of how I see Source… I now have this image of Source as my friend, someone I would love to hang around with, have fun with, someone who treats me fantastic, that I can kid with, completely be myself and I just love them for being themselves.

I am driving and all of a sudden Tom Sellek pops up just talking to me, asking about how I am doing, how’s my day been, what kind of fun thing do I want to do later, throwing small bits of popcorn at me. Kidding around just having fun being ourselves! Suddenly I am aware of the God image I have lived under most of my when I was Catholic life. I have no memories of him ever smiling, laughing, having fun. It was always about rescuing, healing, saving, adoring, giving to  him….all work toward eventually being good enough.

Darn… not anymore I remember, very vividly a phrase in the bible that showed up on neon sign many years ago and played through my mind for days afterward. “Be still and know that I am God!” with me changing the inflection of each word in that sentence. I know God made me in his perfect image and likeness to come here and create as his instrument. I am a creator…I now know I am suppose to be me, to constantly create more of what I want, and focus on. By Jove I think I have this figured out… I so love my life!

Abraham, Energy, Asking, Receiving and More…

This morning was a well-managed affair of me “caring” for my youngest son and finally learning to not “carry” him. We got to work, I left him with his phone asleep, and got the phone call he was up, hoped that I had a good day, and gone off to school. I was enjoying my bus route as I listened to a rather interesting energy audio… To be then called again almost an hour later with him totally taking responsibility in calling to tell me he had fallen back asleep and was now headed to school. I was so fully aware of how great it felt to have him call, not begging for help, pleading his cause, whining or any other the old stuff. Just a solid, I messed up, I am fixing it, I will talk to you later Mom!

In such an excellent frame of mind, I purchased feed, went home did my chores, and settled into a few games of solitaire as I allowed the morning thoughts to find me. Feeling the changes of the last few weeks popping up in all kind of interesting, wonderful ways, which included a new mental thought “I have a gold mind, I am attractive and I profit from it constantly!”

As I was musing over my newest word choices, I thought of how different my view of the word attractive is now. Since I used to only think of it in the way someone or something looked. I now love it as a mantra because by feeling attractive, I magnetically pull to me things that are attracted to me.

Then thinking how much I would so love to be asked out to eat, surprised by the other’s treat of the meal, and how much I would really like a book from this morning’s speaker. So I looked the book up, checked my balance, was in the process of ordering when I stopped to check with my body instead of my mind. I got this immediate hesitation, darn and I really did want the book. But if I am going to learn to trust me…so I closed the screen and then received an immediate text from my Abe compadre about her having just ordered the book and Kindled it to me, would I like to go to lunch, her birthday treat to me.

I was on fire, lit like Christmas as we agreed on a time. I then went to finish my newest horse idea, which slowly evolved into a licking, chewing, oh my God, it worked out perfectly. He was now responding like I was a competent leader, his drama attempt not moving me in the least, till finally he completely lowered his head and sighed. Pleased with all of this ask and receiving, I quickly came back in, made her the present of my magical meditation of Susie Mantell. Which as it clicked off done, and the tray popped open, she texted she was just up the street.

 I signed it, sealed it, delivered it, and we had the most fun filled horse, energy, Abraham sharing ideas lunch at both of ours favorite Thai restaurant. To finish my day with a simple, quiet, nothing but thoughts and wild flowers to add to the drive, as I reveled in my new growing, glowing understanding of life. Knowing my new book was waiting for me at the house. More stuff to learn, desire, have, desire, cause, desire, enjoy and keep filling in the sections of my life as I continue to create this life I am now learning so well how to flow with!

The Long Road Back…

Been absentee from my writing, even part of my riding, do to my natural born curiosity about what else is out there. Sometimes I am drawn to investigate something because it resonates with me in some form or fashion. As of the last few years I have let the reflections of the Universe guide me.

If I go to buy something and it is not there, my card won’t work, the page on the computer does not open, or send… should anything go astray I personally feel that is the Universes way of assisting me in waiting or making another choice. Which when I listen or notice this guidance all kinds of possibilities I never even considered show up to amaze and tantalize me.

 Then I have days like when my five year old student taught me how I was missing the flowers, because I was still talking about the points she needed to remember from the lesson we just had completed. She told me “the flowers are pretty and right here Miss Cat…the remembering is when I get done unsaddling and have the horse put up.”  I grinned, agreed and picked the red Paint Brush flower she directed me toward as part of her “knowing” she had learned something new and was remembering each previous lesson without prompting.

I had been listening to a new audio from a speaker who I so resonated with the first time I heard her. To then be surprised with an email from a friend with more of these audio’s included for Passover. Half way into the next one, I clicked on the offer for more of this fascinating material, a really great package well within my means. Though there was just a glimmer of hesitation, followed with the thought “the Universe will either allow it or not”. Ordered, clicked send and it went right through.

The very next morning I woke up with my right knee so swollen, like when I had hurt it 6 or 7 years ago, hmmm. Did my lessons, but aware of no acknowledgement from the place I ordered from. Which when I queried them, they offered to speed it up by me repaying with a credit card. But I declined, figuring the Universe would work all of this out, which it did finally 6 days later when my bank released the funds to PayPal, and I received my additional audios which were to be played one a week for 12 weeks.

 I downloaded them all, thought I set the first one up to just play through while I slept. Discovering the next morning, the computer was just finishing playing number 8 and I woke up with a raging head cold. The more I listened, and tried to understand, feeling all of this confusion from listening, which was “supposed” to happen as the audios did their thing. Doubly so, as a friend who was listening to the same stuff, was having the exact same sinus cold symptoms and irritation over what we were listening to. Each of us, basically soothing the other over and through the rough spots of ingesting this sounds so similar but in a weirdly uncomfortable way.

All brought to a head with another 5 year old student yesterday, who explained to me about owies and if it hurts to not keep doing it, “that’s just silly or pretty dumb!” I suddenly remembered an Abraham tape about Powerful Statements. “There is no gain in pain” when something doesn’t feel right to hear them in the back of my head saying “Do something else, do anything else, till the vibration shifts. Let the curse lift!” And suddenly I knew what to do, I congratulated myself on recognizing that my body knows better than anyone else what it is I need or don’t need. I have the power to listen to me, do what feels good. Spend money if I need to to find out the stove is hot when it is on. And mostly trust that God is guiding me to what feels good, because he loves me, and made me perfectly in his image of me. With this wonderful body to feel for direction and answers, amazingly coinciding with no cold this morning, gone without taking any more drugs. Swelling almost completely gone, horses all rode, another fantastic 5 year old with parents capturing her entire lesson for show and tell. With me actually easily and effortlessly getting back to writing my truths, my perceptions, my struggles, my realizations, as I realize I know the answers, as I get out from under this funny perception of who I am, by what others have suggested I should be, a habit I am slowly coming to terms with.

– Daily writings | for thoughtful & reflective moments.

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