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To Find One’s Passion…

Seems like a such a big or even huge obstacle to so many people. They read books, articles, how to do’s and the like. Yet seem so stymied to find or latch onto what that may be for them. In this last week of sorting through the myriad of stories about my own weekly journey, caused me to really watch, pay attention and notice so many tiny details into what was easy, felt good, and my energy just bounding all over the place. Compared to the times and the day I felt like all I wanted to do was climb back in bed and bury myself deep in sleep.

Only problem with that is… I love my life when it flows, zings, zips and amazes me, enough so that I decided I could unearth this occasional stuckedness. Especially since one of the ladies at the retreat kept telling me how lucky I was, how much she wished she knew what her passion was, and what could or should  she be doing to figure it out.

Luckily for her she had already done what I always explain are the simple rules for me working with or helping any one:

1. The only bad question…is the one you don’t ask.

2. Ask for ideas (which create possibilities)… not opinions (which to me box one in)

3. For us to work together it has to be fun for my client, their horse and for me.

4. At the end of each session the client is expected to have improved ¼ of an inch per lesson.

5. They have had to felt like they learned something that is applicable to them and their situation

6. They have plenty to take with them to mull over, and when they are ready, they want to learn more.

7. Lastly they are expected to always ask me or anyone else: Why are they supposed to do whatever is suggested? Then have whoever suggested it to show them how! Be willing to say no if whatever is suggested is uncomfortable in any fashion, though the thought may be stored in their toolbox of possibilities for some other time.

So I paid attention. Noticed the nuances of fun, excitement and energy flowing through me, compared to the contrast of feeling tired, exhausted and even nauseated at the thought of moving just a little. Kept my attention focused on the answer showing itself. When I began to truly notice little things right out of my direct gaze, to find myself being led or guided by my peripheral vision. It is one of the wonders the horses have taught me to be more aware of.

Seems when we look so hard at what is right there in front of us to see… we miss the stuff that is right out of the corner of our eye. Ever walked through a room going to do something, and caught site of something just on the way to where you are headed, that answered some question you had asked earlier and sort of forgot about for that moment. Then as you are easily accomplishing what is now your focus, you spot something else which makes the way to do what you originally intended easier, simpler and more satisfying… thus accomplishing two things at once.

I have had tons of stuff manifesting all over the place as I learn to more and more get out of the way of “having’ to do something, instead just let my intuition, my peripheral vision, and my gut guide me. Which puts me in such an inspirational writing, living, loving, sharing and being just me mood! Then it hit me about the energy ups and downs that so allow me to be so passionate one moment and so blah the next.

I had read and been told that one’s passion is something one can do 24 hours a day, be as enthused to do it when one gets started, as one is when one finishes, ready to start all over at the next opportunity, will do it whether they are paid or not, and always wanting to learn more. My passion is something I have known since I was small… horse crazy since I can remember. Just with only me to pursue the desire, nurture, keep alive away from the naysayers and support my dream in my head…( long story for later, but I did not get my first horse till I was away at college. Not all are that lucky to have such a desire go above and against what others saw me being and hang on to it for dear life.)

But this week I discovered the up places in my energy when I was not playing with anything horse related, just my life related. Give me an idea, let me spy something that needs to be fixed, could be changed to be easier to do or understand,or get a hunger for some particular dish. And I come alive. My mind racing with creativity, desire, passion, adventure… as I allow the creator in me to not settle for what another would do, say or feel. I find this amorous, hungry, sensual creature, who prowls at any event that causes me to just sit… I want to participate… get my hands in the clay… make something, create a new form, find a new way, or eat a favorite dish in a new way. Doesn’t matter, but oh talk about being alive and passionate.

Even in cleaning, I have discovered the passion of order, newness, and simplicity of accomplishment by allowing myself to feel each step and do that which feels easiest and next, or rearrange everything for more ease and flow. Especially after my down evening yesterday, after completing fixing all the fences on the place and I walked into to try to move off the level of the game I have been stuck on for weeks. To find my energy just draining into a pool of yuck, a cold drink, nope not even half, my stretches, nope tired. Finally gave up and went to bed early, though I thought several times of writing but…

That is the long pause, as I felt the trapped in my thoughts of I might not be good enough, that put me to bed early. Thank God for sleep, long hot soapy showers, and my listening to my internal niggling as I readied for and then drove my route. Passion, energy, aliveness is creating something, anything that causes a rush…not a have to or a must. Just wicked, wonderful, recognized for selfsame desire , it is what I am… a capable, crazy, happy, creator … just like God wants us all to be! Free to be…Me, to change, become, create, breathe every moment in. Helping myself and others to find their connection to their dreams, ideas, adventures and life!

45 Days To Wow…

I have discovered me!!! It is so inspiring to have come so far with you lovely, wonderful, caring, and sharing people at BLC. This last week was an adventure as I shifted back and forth between my place here Floresville and the ladies horse retreat I participated in and instructed some of in Boerne, Texas in the Hill Country. This picture was taken last Sunday afternoon at one of the higher points of the 500+ acres ranch with almost all of us who were out on the trails. I am the one with my mouth open on the short little horse who has come the furthest with me in the last 6 years of my returning to a place of health and love on the inside.

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I am at peace now with many of the things that kept bugging me, niggling at me, frustrating me, inspiring and actually forcing me out of the protective shell I had crawled into to survive. Thankfully I have the peeps at the Boundless Living Challenge to share with because of its wonderful creator Bob Doyle keeping the site up and open for us to use.

I can now say with full confidence and understanding that setting a goal, or a few goals can be accomplished when one writes them down, then shares them with supportive others as ideas in the making, and makes constant small steps forward toward them. Especially the uniquely important step of seeing the final outcome…already achieved, and thanking the Universe, one’s God or Creator for how it happens.

There is an entire book inside of me that came to full completion after this last 45 days, especially during the retreat get-away. Where all three of my horses I took with me… showed me who I really was, how much easier life is to live in the now, how important it is to let others keep their responsibility for where they are at and aide them best by guiding them… not holding their hands.

How much any word can screw us up… if we are only aware of one or two meanings for it, our reaction to its use on us from some place in our past where we were taught or shown that was the only acceptable answer. How any situation can change instantaneously by our intent toward it. How the last minute idea might be the gold mine we have been working so hard to cause to happen some other way… because the answer doesn’t fit the norm, who would believe us about it, and it’s not possible from the opinion of all the others we have been confiding in… giving an entire world permission to stop or condemn any and all ideas that might otherwise flow so freely into existence.

I love writing about this this morning. I feel like a million dollars, now having full access to such a wonderful magical kingdom of myself, with both the keys to every door and the freedom to expand, rearrange, redecorate, imagine and create anything my heart desires… the ease of knowing how and my eagerness to put the words into print to share!

I Am So Freaking Awesome!!

 Okay I love all of you for your responses, care and support… I have such an incredible new view on the entire path I have been on in this life. Learning one totally incredible, important lesson… No one is bad or mean or whatever… another would choose to label it, because we as people have such a limited view. One of the examples I use when explaining how someone could do whatever another judges as wrong is… If you grow up in a house where stealing and lying is the only thing you are exposed to as the way life is… it is not wrong…it is life. Unless you learn or experience “through the path of least resistance” some other way, and decide it “feels, looks, or seems better” and make the choice to choose otherwise…It is what it is. It is always a choice. Usually to me, three choices: to just be exactly how you are, become much worse, or much better… making a decision, following a desire, or going for a dream. Those are all choices, and without some kind of contrast, we have no way of knowing there are choices.

Until I would come across something that was such a bigger drive or desire than what I was told was right or I was suppose to do. I just helped, existed, lived and thrived in the situation I was in.

At 12 I stood up to my father, for my dog, I bought with my money I had earned, when she was 3 months of age my father was going to send her away to be trained to hunt with his money. I REFUSED, I wouldn’t budge, couldn’t be reasoned with, bribed, yelled at, or intimidated in any way to allow them to send my dog away. I told them I would do it my self, and I did but she wouldn’t hunt for him.

I found a power in standing up for my dog, I did not know! It makes me the incredible person I am now. My parents did the best they could with the understanding and experiences they grew up with and was taught to them. To raise a family, to live life, to expand and grow within the limited sphere of available knowledge at the time.

There is so much expansion in the world today that keeps expanding at an ever increasing incredible rate. People back then, and still now in some places, are taught what is right by the standards of their churches, their schools, their associations and associates mostly because standing out takes “quoting Betty White A brass vagina”

Blame and the excuses so many have been given is so much easier, blame the world, its because I have this problem, there is something wrong with me or the world so I cannot move forward. BS I constantly am blessed with the discoveries of the layers of everyone else “that I consciously allowed” from fear, learning and being taught fitting in was everything!

Not anymore, now when I write I do so to sort the latest place I find myself in. Many times extremely fascinated with how I will have an entire blog in my head, to find mere smidgens of it actually on the page. But all of that is okay, I usually need what appears just as much as the people who read and share with me their recognition in reading my words.

I love each and everyone who finds their way to my blogs. I know you have found your way here when you asked so poignantly to God, the Universe, or Source some question with such huge desire for an answer that it led you here to read and have show up in your own mind either “the answer” or parts of an answer that may take you to the desire you cherish more than you might even know to set yourself free to be you. Exactly like you are, tye died, green hair, blue jeans, boots, a nose picker, beer drinker or sweet tea, a cocktail, diet food or fast food. You have just this immense desire to be totally who you are and are now willing to fully claim it.

Because I am! The little me, always has loved horses, animals, outside, the dirt, blue jeans, boots, cowboys, sharing, teaching, trying something different, having fun, and experiencing the moment… I bless each of you to follow or find that feeling inside you!

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