For such a long, long time I have been trying to get clearer on this sense or feeling that is always compelling me, inviting me, enticing me to move, breathe, and take one more step toward this dream, goal, or ideal that has been with me as long as I can remember. Urging me to go a little further, wait a little bit longer, dig a little deeper, find one more place of release from the prison around my heart that I was made aware of just a few days ago in my constant awareness to God guiding me back to me when I had this last Sunday to remember…
Calm, easy, even a little over cast as I finished up my reconstruction of my saddling area with newer, bigger shades of 12 X 18 and then taking the smaller old one to erect over the dogs enclosure. Fascinated with my life as I have learned to slow down, and play my way forward. Which means I have learned to not get in a hurry, ask for things in my mind and have the Universe surprise me with the answers usually within moments after I let go of the thought.
Like the one that caused me to wander into the house after the last rope was re-strung and re-placed, to go to Facebook perusing for a quick smile from any of the sources I am connected to that share positive and uplifting posts. When I clicked on one video of a man wonderfully playing a guitar in an unusual fashion, even though I enjoyed the music, I found my eye wandering to the comments on the side to see one light up. Urging me to read it about someone playing a guitar the same way in the movie “August Rush”, which I promptly looked up to find that I had actually seen the movie before, though I felt this prompting to find it and see it again.
So I watched it, to find several places in it that called to me, till one particular scene literally caused my heart to expand and push against the walls I had erected to protect it from ever being made fun of or misused again. Finding as I wound my way to the end of the movie this lifting of some old burden which now was calling me to write it down and set myself free.
I thought about it, yet nothing came out… I could feel the rattling of the door, see the key just inches away inside with me, yet unable to move… So I waited, rode, cleaned, felt, watched the movie again, took a break, listened, and allowed the feelings to just build. Until last night when I felt the urge to watch it again and yet found myself being guided to re-watching another movie on my list, which once again stated the need to write it out. Set myself free… to be fully me.
Passionate, proud, tall, horse connected, sometimes wonderfully oblivious to others as I play with the horse energy I find myself drawn to. I reach, feel, seek, and listen for the guidance and the peace I find when I reconnect a horse to actually engaging and being with a human. As they soon find there is someone here who is finally, trying to listen and engage with their energy of aliveness. It is so rewarding to be part of the transformation from just watching a horse who is tolerating life, one who is referred to as “dead broke” just existing, surviving, being fed, rode, handled as a tool, a worker, a slave to taught or learned habits (much like me) once again fully alive, relating and even anticipating life.
I find myself, now much more honest, aware of having shut so many doors in the castle that is me, closed off from fully imagining, much less allowing into my life… all of the dreams, desires and wishes I have kept locking away after putting them on the shelves in taking care of any and all others first. Thinking I did not matter, not as me, myself and I, the lady who lives, alive, glowing, insightful, aware and so passionate about the feelings she takes in and the visions she sees of the grandeur of almost all animals and people she meets. When she gets in the zone and away from the crowds of those she has mistakenly been trying to live up to their ideas and memories of who she should be.
The energy I feel is all around us, one just needs to find and trust it. Writing it all down now, today and sharing it with others is like I am finally calling back to him, expecting him to read it and find me. I have never quit on my passion…It’s the only place I can escape and let it all go to fully connect with life. I am writing today in hope and anticipation of it finding its way into his hands… years of aware anticipation, for the dream, the man, and the life I have been seeking since I was a very tiny child… now letting it out, opening the door, letting and expecting My Idea of life in… to begin!!
The last few days have been a wonder of actualizing situations in my life. Starting with the incredible heat wave that tipped the scales Tuesday at over 110 on the car’s temperature gauge, which caused me to remember the words in several of the books I have been reading and from the speakers on the audio’s I have been listening to, of imagining what one does want, not what is.
So I began imagining the coolness in the morning as one ventures out, the sand tightly packed, dark, moist, with the grass covered in glistening drops. The little heads lifted up, soft, yielding, refreshed from the intoxicating downpour of the night before. The clouds a soft grey, still holding potentially more rainfall, yet now in a contributing continuation of moisture to accentuate the wondrous return of dampness to the much needed plants and soil. Remembering the cool, relishing in the power of simple showers, to then continue with my days in the heat, every once in a while vividly re-picturing visions much like that.
To be granted a full scale reenactment of nature to an almost perfect re-creation of the pictures and feelings that were in my mind played out for the last few mornings. Though it was this morning’s rendering to such complete detail, amount of moisture, all the tiny things I imagined showing wet and wonderful that reminded me of those thoughts of intentions a few days before. Causing me to recollect what other things I have asked for in my imagination, visiting for a short three to five minutes in full detail, the sights, the sounds, the sensations, the feelings that have then come about, so easily and quickly afterward.
I found the remembrance of friend on Saturday, who I had not thought about since she moved last October, after bringing me her horse to get in shape, wondering how she and her horses were doing. To be treated to an email with a photo, asking my opinion about a new horse she was about to acquire. With then several emails back and forth as we caught up with each other’s lives.
Aware of the new horse saddle pad, design, manufacture, fit, and feel that was on sale, which looked interesting, I just so would rather see, try, and feel before I buy. To have one of my current client’s bring in the exact new pad for me to use with his saddle on his horse to make sure it worked for him. This allowed me to accomplish two things, his equipment working and fitting his horse, me being able to check it out for myself, once again within days of having the idea in mind. Pad ordered, shipped and expected to arrive tomorrow.
Thought back to a few weeks ago when a client had asked for a particular color, size, price, and gender of horse, him describing it in much detail. To within 24 hours another client called up to say she was looking to place one of her horses which matched the first one’s wishes in almost every single way. Within in 72 hours the agreement was made and both parties had accomplished ideas they had hoped and seen in their minds.
Leading me to indulge this morning in a little visualization described in writing of my meeting someone to enjoy the fireworks of the fourth here this Wednesday evening. Living on this hill that overlooks the new community center next to the local river park half a mile way down below me where they will hold the first Ole Opry Western Concert with fireworks to celebrate the fourth of July. There will be loads of people that cause the two lane highway currently under massive use because of the new Eagle Ford Oil find in our part of the world to be even more congested. Allowing all those who visit here that evening, a great view, awesome music, good company, outdoor cooking and comfortable access in and out.
Who knows exactly how this will play out? Just with my current awareness of the finding the feelings of the end results I expect and allowing the details of the how’s left up to the Universe, I suspect a whole lot of fun, entertainment and Great Company!
Okay so that I give credit, where credit is due and so appreciated… all of my keeping up with astrology has been from reading and having the site send me a message every time Perianne adds a blog to her site Astrology Mon Ami this was her latest blog http://astrologymonami.com/2012/03/12/virgo-full-moon-preparing-for-pisces-potential/. Her blogs are so informative and fun, as I tend to “know” usually within minutes that she has added another gem for me to peruse. These gems always seem to follow when I have been considering/trying to figure out the energy of the day.
To all of you for your wonderful comments, they are the reflections from others of what I sometimes am not aware of, but do hope that I am sensing, feeling or sharing at the moment of my writing. Which in Holly’s comment of her noticing how she looks at each new day… I say “Bravo” because I cannot change something if I do not know or notice how I am seeing it, acting toward it, or feeling about it. It’s when I notice and am aware of where I am at, then I can take steps to changing or enjoying it.
Lastly, these are quick shots of my window project half way through. The first is with the torn heat shade, and the table full of all of my tools, sewing machine, and other goodies that always seem to accumulate when I am deconstructing.And the second is the first side almost completed, with the sun now allowed to shine in when I adjust the blinds to my desires
Lastly, in my awakening this morning and pulling up my emails, I became aware of today is March the 17th, which about a month or so back there came a revelancy to this date having to do with meeting/seeing/asscociating with “him” today… So needless to say I am a little excited, aware, and open to whatever is about to take place! Breathe in, breathe out, calm, cool, comfortable…hmmm need shower to wash off the night’s sleep and get ready for my full flexible schedule of clients!!!