I bless you are feeling fully present.
May the space of time you read this post in, also be time you take to breathe a little deeper. May it invite you to allow yourself to consciously receive love, from God, Source, All That Is and Me to you.
I am at peace here. My months of clearing, cleaning, and reestablishing my priorities for Me… Found me meditating, reflecting and spending many hours soaking up the time of re-discovering my true self with the joy in just being in my life and with my horses.
The first part of this year I was beginning my journey with Scoozi. With our series of starts, stops, stalls, flips and an abrupt dismount. I started to ask myself a lot of questions about what it is that “I truly do and have always wanted to do with my life”? How could I best serve in a way that is useful, unique, and true to me? In a way that felt…. right… fun and all ME!.
This time allowed me to truly look at, revise and reassess my past experiences. Finding the best way to see each memory that came to mind. Aware from my recent reminder of Wayne Dyer’s “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” A new, deeper list of self intentions was born.
Because I have become so clear in my desire to listen to my deepest dreams. To truly connect with my horses despite a very busy world of suggestions, directions, ultimatums and others ideas for me. I was able to align with my innate truth without allowing the world to distract me.
I have becoming more fluent in Horse/Human/Self connection. Aware of my old buried roots of intuitively knowing how to truly listen, feel, and connect with horses and peoples “feelings”… Because I know so thoroughly about shutting down my own personal unique ideas, for the reasoning’s from others. “Shut up, do this, wear that, because they said so.”
I have become more fluent in Self… Owning my walk, talk, looks, dreams, desires and abilities.
Supporting others by truly listening to what they hope they are saying. Versus what their bodies, inflections and words are actually communicating. Assisting them in finding their truth, their voice, their own unique signatures and styles.
I am back, and aligned with my true self. Sharing this because it’s so important to carve out time to listen to one’s heart whisper, to listen and discover… what is calling.
To recognize having a desire to learn something, to align with a cause, to start something new, or and this one is tricky – to let someone or something go…
Be brave, dear one, trust your gut…
Drop the current narrative for just a moment.
Listen… your heart is calling you.
And watch for the magic that unfolds!
Awareness is the key to change. Though actually in my process of discovering what it is I need to change, I have found I can be aware of the things on the surface, and never once have touched the undertow actually running my life. Amazed at discovering there is this place inside where when one is persistently, intently focused on what appears to be happening right in front of them, outside of their control, while an entire slew of subtle old beliefs are actually controlling the current.
The beliefs of who “Am I” usually start with an entire litany of others description of me, as they see, desire or need me to be. Which in the living of my life I have done an incredible job of fitting into just fine, by doing all the steps necessary to make others wishes come true. Yet now, no where in this incredible state of doing so much for so many have I found the entirety of me.
Earlier today I went into meditation with the desire to know what is the core belief that ties all of this stuck-ed resistance together for me to not find myself in either the “glorious picture of success” presented by advertising or the “famous rescuer of the world” from the shamed and blasphemed sensationalism depicted in the news.
Before me danced the many dictates of beliefs I have encountered in the past with each one saying “pick me, look here, notice me”, nodding at their availability, I continued down the rows of my life’s steps, stopping to look, pick up, uncover and examine each in turn. Slowly feeling for the emotion attached or represented by each one.
Noticing something odd, just a little off, barely tangible, almost out of sorts… A single out of place thread, just a wisp poking out of the side, off to the edge, barely visible on some, in plain sight on others, yet it continually looped back and forth between all of the aisles of my life.
As I looked back I discovered there was not one single evident belief that it did not run through.
Interestingly it was the most simple shade of gray. Not flashy, not pretty, not ugly… just there. Small, slim, fine like a spider’s silk, yet resiliently stretching over years and years of the past.
I stopped, walked back, picked it up, truly examining it to see what truth it had for me.
It was alone. It had no others. There was just the one tiny, slim thread. So fine as to seem to be just a tiny thought, buried here, yet in plain sight. Waiting to be found, to be gathered and re-weaved, successfully into my awareness. The biggest change I needed to find, see and realize. My Aloneness!
I alone can change my life. There is no waiting. No blaming. No loss… other than not choosing my taking and owning my own power. The responsibility to own everything I have ever done as the perfect steps to lead me to now.
I have been steadily, slowly, constantly learning, deciding and choosing whether it is to say no or yes to any situation. Because nothing is ever truly wrong, to be judged or challenged. It’s just not right for me. I, Alone, own the choice. I, Alone choose to be more, less or do nothing. But I so Gloriously “ALONE” get to choose. For there is no one else inside who causes me to feel or think. JUST AWESOMELY ME! I am my connection to it all. Every day a little bit more, every moment I choose to be the best me… YET!
Hmmm… this took a little bit of time to allow it to fully percolate in my mind. With all of the listening to various successful coaches being interviewed for the latest Teleseminar that I have been invited to check out for a possible new way to attract more Abundance into my life. This feeling like the umpteenth million (could be exaggerating just a tad) set of coaching calls to cross my path on my way to becoming??? More Abundant, Allowing, Attracting, Aware, and all the other A words that have found their way to my email box since my initiation into the world of Universal laws not commonly found in one’s generic schooling.
But that is okay, mostly because I have always believed that desiring and attaining more knowledge is the key to health, happiness and life. Though sometimes what we are learning about, hopefully teaches us to quickly and eventually find the flip-side of what is our current experience. All of this bringing me around to what I have figured out for me, as I allowed the sudden breaking up of the audio book I got for my birthday, hence suggesting to me I had learned enough, back off, allow this to sift, and let the globs of discomfort, and the aching Knee-d (need) in my leg to be felt/heard.
The minute I stopped the player, my mind flashed back to the energy clearing with the little girl on Saturday. The steps I had used from the book’s instructions, the instinctive additions, and ad libs I used to get such an easy profound change. Suddenly I felt a bigger picture, I saw the hook, tease, bait of almost all of what was being offered up front. Minus the finale, albeit maybe not intentionally, except I have listened and done enough self-help things to always fall just short of the miraculous finish I was expecting.
I found myself staring at the much sought after prize of my full path, my reason for coming, maybe even most of ours purpose. The very idea of what it is I am doing most of the time, in a lot of area’s and ways, just not all of the time, because now looking at it… to quote Abraham “The hard part of it, is it is Easy!”
I came here to figure things out. To get into situations, to learn, grow and expand. By figuring out what it is I next want. Like buying a car, one decides on the make, model, year, price, color…. Then buys it, to decorate, furnish, accessorize, add to it all the things that make it mine, individually to my taste. Many times with others suggestions, some that we really don’t want, but do to not hurt another’s feelings (instead of just trusting ourselves completely) Dating, marrying, associating with others, going to school, getting jobs, living somewhere, moving somewhere… on and on the list goes. Just that when it goes wrong, falls apart, changes, or we change, we keep digging around in yesterday, trying to put it back together, fix it, destroy it further…
All of that instead of realizing we created it, and now we are ready to create the next new thing. Which we create ucky if we are still hauling around all the garbage of yesterday, instead of just taking out the good parts and trashing all the rest of it… This includes unknown habits, thoughts we continuously think and express, like a computer stuck on rebooting, because the computer is full and needs more memory. This is easily accomplished by deleting old files then dumping the recycle bin, saving the good stuff and updating the computer with more memory or a new computer.
Now add to that my energy work with the young lady, and what I did from pure instinct and actually remembered parts from my EFT certification. I didn’t just release the old emotions; I kept replacing and updating her memories of what we were working on. I would ask her to describe how she was feeling by describing where it was and what color it was. All of her descriptions were of yucky colors. I would then do the clearing work, with her then describing the new colors, which she would then describe as pretty or softer shades of the new feeling.
So many of these self-help things I have done over the years describe the process so that one replaces the old with something new, more desirable. Though I have heard it and attempted it, a lot, it’s because of yesterday and my new image I have placed in my mind of how I see Source… I now have this image of Source as my friend, someone I would love to hang around with, have fun with, someone who treats me fantastic, that I can kid with, completely be myself and I just love them for being themselves.
I am driving and all of a sudden Tom Sellek pops up just talking to me, asking about how I am doing, how’s my day been, what kind of fun thing do I want to do later, throwing small bits of popcorn at me. Kidding around just having fun being ourselves! Suddenly I am aware of the God image I have lived under most of my when I was Catholic life. I have no memories of him ever smiling, laughing, having fun. It was always about rescuing, healing, saving, adoring, giving to him….all work toward eventually being good enough.
Darn… not anymore I remember, very vividly a phrase in the bible that showed up on neon sign many years ago and played through my mind for days afterward. “Be still and know that I am God!” with me changing the inflection of each word in that sentence. I know God made me in his perfect image and likeness to come here and create as his instrument. I am a creator…I now know I am suppose to be me, to constantly create more of what I want, and focus on. By Jove I think I have this figured out… I so love my life!