They do not limit themselves to just what is around their ant mound. There is always a few of them out scouting for food. They consume anything that their senses lead them to. There is no thought of we have to just eat grain or bugs, and we have to stay in our area. When they become aware of anything that sets their sensory perceptions to alert mode, and it’s edible, they are on it.
No matter the distance, height, breadth, type of terrain, or obstacles in between. The next thing one notices is a stream of their little bodies, across the ground, on inclines, and around corners as each ant becomes a link in taking all of the discovered treasure of food, back to their mound, one step, one ant, one piece at a time. The new find is broken down into smaller, more maneuverable parts, until every single scrap is accounted for back at their home base.
This day finding me engrossed in several different busy species of ants scurrying about right before the long awaited rain finally made its appearance this afternoon. Fascinated with how easily they find their way with just the tiniest indication from source to the abundance provided for them to live. As I watched the trail of fire ants up the slab, across the floor, up the plastic trash can, over the piece of string not pushed all the way in. Onto the edge of the lid, the other end was touching, and into the bowl of cat food sitting on top for the few pieces of food left from earlier this morning’s feeding.
For the last several days I have espied them in the house. Coming in at where would seem the tiniest cracks. To have a trail sometimes as long as twenty feet inside the house just for the one or two scraps of food my youngest tends to push under something instead of picking it up. Finding in my years of observation of even these tiny creatures I can tell what the weather is about to do. They start this huge in the house invasion when it is extremely dry, usually right before rain is imminent and about to come in large amounts. Both of those two requirements fulfilled today as I was in the house sorting the amazing insight I had received over so many things we ask for, are right underneath our noses.
Sometimes sitting in plain sight is every bit of abundance we seek; we have just closed ourselves off to it from the rules, opinions or ideas of others. Who tell us no, not now, not possible, it can’t be done, or you need permission to see or be that way. Read the rule book, memorize all your told, march this way, fill out the paper work, wait till your told, watch as another tells you what to think and when. All after my morning of discovery of mistakenly not checking in and asking others first, to then be caught up in the old guilt of this does not fit into anybody else’s plans for what I should be doing for them.
I got inspired; there was this title that came to me, a story which just flowed out onto the pages. I wrote, I followed my dream, trusted my gut, finished, made the cover, and published my second book. I just forgot to ask permission, to check the calendar, find out if this was okay with anyone else’s ideas of me for them. The sudden unexpected guilt lingering till I got to ride my last two horses, amazed at how much information about myself and how different life is when one lives in the moment like animals do.
The simplicity to follow an urge, check in with the senses, pay attention to right now, without a long to do’s list. Hungry, eat, need exercise, move, and have an itch scratch it. Scurry off track, feel an impulse, follow it to find something of interest, to then bring the word of the new discovery, or possibility to the group, where they all pitch in to celebrate and share.
I watched Freckles today as I once again; kept finding smaller and smaller steps to get through our remaining communication differences. Still in fascination of how taking the time to pay attention to what I sense and feel, is causing him to change, to look, and to be with me. This once wildly terrified animal now learning to trust that I am listening to him. I am watching, feeling for every little try of understanding. Always aware that if I try to think or put him on a time table, I will set us both back in our learning to cooperate and work together.
Proof positive when I went out to take pictures after the rain and the horses wandered up to see what I was doing. Where in the past Freckles would have stayed in the back, out of reach behind the other horses. I not only got to scratch him as he stood there, but had to shoe him back as I was trying to take his picture with his nose angled up trying to figure out the camera in my hand, now just as curious as the rest of my small herd. The joy is in each moment. We are provided for, when we trust, believe and know we are always guided to what is best for us. I am still allowing myself to learn to observe, feel and find what is best for me… I matter!
And the link to my newest book:
Wonderful, crazy Monday… My youngest beat me awake, called me on my phone at 5:40am to tell me he was up. I got my shower, dressed, grabbed my things and mug of water, to hear him outside with the truck already started, trash loaded, ready to head to the bus yard. I so appreciated this great start to my week as I handed him his week’s lunch money and thanked him for this new effort. Went on my route, listening again to the audio of Jennifer Hough, ingesting more understanding and loving the ah ha’s from my body in recognition of a truth that resonates with every part of me. Loving the feeling of being in sync with my life, pulled into the bus yard, finished my paperwork, dropped my keys off and headed out to my truck. Felt this sensation to cut around three vehicles instead of walking to the end of the row to espy a five dollar bill covered in dew, pasted up against the fence.
Asked, and with no claimers, really felt elated with my tuning in to me. Came home, fed, felt a need for a short nap, so I set my timer, turned on a short meditation, to easily wake myself up as it was ending. Minutes before my first lesson of the day, a young lady now at her fifth lesson, on a large draft horse who is notoriously lazy and prone to quit if allowed the opportunity. She is being privileged to these lessons, care of her mother-in-law whom she is helping out by riding this horse. Since she has the time, desire, and aptitude to help out with her mom-in-law’s way to busy schedule to fit the horse’s riding in.
She is unsure, but persistent, bold enough to ask bigger, as soon as she realizes her instinct is right, with my matching her decisions with immediate encouragement. So the big lazy sneak, gets turned, stopped, restarted, till he realizes she has his number to the point of completing the entire set of patterns at a full out trot. To bring Mr. “I can barely move my feet” back sweating and breathing hard after an hour of walking, trotting, listening and for once being fully engaged the entire second half of the lesson. Finding her and Mom-in-law grinning and proud of how all of this team work and desire is paying off.
Get my next four horses done, to turn mine out, and give fresh cut grass to the horse that departs in three days. Head to back to the bus yard to drive, listening to another hour of audio, and feeling on fire with life, to pick up my youngest, head to the house for my last lesson of the day. Which finds the little five year old girl, eager to try this loping thing again, her determination matches the young lady from earlier. To be met with her triumphant grin, the kind only a five year old can really shine with, as she takes the entire session to constantly play with and advance to a continuous lope for three laps to the left and a lap and a half to the right. Bouncing off the ground, giggling as we head back to unsaddle, because she found and held her rhythm with the horse to successfully for several strides, no bouncing, just sitting/dancing with the horse’s slow leisurely lope.
She then tells me of her plans for next session as she is putting the little mare away, her dad sets up the date and time. I bid them goodnight, coming in to eat supper and check my accounts. To discover in my haphazard fashion of keeping my balance(in the description of my past men)to find I have once again erred hugely in my favor. All of this more defining the fact it is not that I need to say “No” to others. It is I need to say “YES”to me, to how I decide I intend to live. Love it, own it, be it… I love my life!
Truly I did not even begin to realize how much havoc I was allowing in my life, before I discovered slowing down, paying attention, getting focused on one single thing at a time. In this process of taking my life back from others who I so easily gave my rights over to in my misunderstanding of my own importance. With the cat out of the house, I have had two incredible nights of truly undisturbed sleep. Which I also noticed in my short nap a while ago, there is so much more room on the sofa, when I am not shifting away from the needling of her claws, the being walked on, or meowed in the face for her needs. Funny thing is my son (whose cat it is supposed to be) yesterday got concerned with her being outside under the house meowing forlornly like she wanted to come back in. Hissed at him when he called for her to come in, causing him to immediately change from feeling guilty, into “I guess she’s figuring it out” as he refilled her bowls and came back inside.
Kind of the same thing he is doing, as each time he comes to me with some new, important thing he wants help with, that is anything other than the tasks he is expected to complete. I stay focused, ask if the chore is done, and then when the answer is no, I reiterate “I am important!” knowing he too will figure this out, that things are different. With each of us responsible for our part, I have changed, I love myself even more, and have found several other wonderful aspects to all of this digging out from others well-meaning teachings that I misinterpreted. By internalizing their attitudes, their bad days, or their own understandings of what they were saying as gospel. To find the truths for me, as me, knowing full well I do not wear my hair the same, have the same nose, leg length, fingernails, size pants, shoes, taste in clothes, food, etc. etc. It is all these differences that make the world go round, each little thing is what causes us to enjoy the unusual and different that works for us. The same thing all the time would be boring, it’s the ups and downs, the zigs and zags, the laughter, and the tears that help us to decide what it is we want more of…I want to do the things that are fun, the things that cause my life to flow.
The upside of the last few weeks of clearing things out internally, I have discovered I gain a little weight as my body waits on me to listen to It over something I am doing that is no longer working for me. When I slow down, truly listen, feel, and hear what is going on around me, paying attention mostly to what I am telling another. I can learn what it is I need, by hearing, really hearing what it is I am telling them.
I knew I had added a little weight this last week or so, as I got out from under the weight of my being unimportant, to discover all the puffiness had disappeared, all of my clothes are looser, comfortably moving with my body as I do each of my horses and the two lessons of the day. I am loving the patience my body has shared and taught me in all of this learning to wait and follow the feel of what feels better. It is so easy, just took a while for me to face, really face that the answers from the Universe have this perfect way of communicating with me through my body, when I figured out it was and is okay to trust, really trust me. God made me in his perfect image of me…Who can argue with that!