The last few days of clearing out the fine layer of dust that seemed to cover so many areas of my life, (including the shelves, books, and eaves I am leaving for the dust bunny fairy). I have uncovered this vow that somehow, somewhere in the last few years of pulling out all stops to straighten out and understand my own magnetic aura of The Law of Attraction, definitely aware of the obvious stuff. Just wanting a closer view of why, where, when, and you’re kidding me I bought into all of that, which had been pretty much laying the path to all of the interesting scenario’s that have continued to grace my world in the last few years.
I discovered this vow in a conversation with another as I heard these words come out of my mouth “No one else around till I get him (my youngest) on the right track, grades up, headed to high school and responsible for himself.” I heard myself say it, and then I was so aware of the big wall I had erected to prevent any unintended, uninvited, or unimaginable excuses to dampen any possible, decent, tall, available male to be in my life. I literally have had this horrendous self-image of “what would someone else think?” I have been my own cage, cell, prison, from the thoughts of not having that part of my life together. Sheesh, what a thought, allowing my son’s behavior to rule my existence, though in retrospect it is actually kind of cool now, he asks for something, I check to see if he has done whatever chore or promised behavior is the current exchange ratio. No work, no anything, NO, NO, NO!
Suddenly the weight (wait) on my shoulder has vanished. His and others tons of fast talk, offers, begging, pleading, deals, are now cut off when they begin by a few simple words: Show me what it is worth to me! So in the realization of my new found freedom of total control of my life, my time, my thoughts, ideas, and expressions, I figured it was time to find out what or more like who, is out there. I went through the old sites I have not visited in years, reconfigured the words, pictures and information. Took a couple of the dating tests, to be amused at their five choices of answers for each question: agree, sort of agree, no opinion, sort of disagree, and disagree. To get the results back that maybe a computer thinks that is who I am by 25 questions, but I so know better and have enough sense to know I have cleaned up and cleared out so well. This tall, fortunate, family, fun, fantastic, smiling, athletic, horse interested ( if not involved up to his boots) will have the same idea of test and results on such a miniscule amount of information. To be summed up in specific paragraphs, depicting all kinds of things that are so way off in the world of other peoples opinions actually mattering.
Oh well, I have thrown a few pitches, sent out the clear energy of fun, laughter, all clear and full sails to each next moment. While I savor the joy of letting go of more unneeded, now recalled, and dissolved vows of celibacy till I obtained perfection for the peanut gallery. Woo hoo world, I am so on a roll!