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Random Impulses…

pulseRandom impulses led me here to find several old started posts saved  by me… With the promise of the information they offered. A few minutes of re-reading, an edit or two and poof out here they are for those interested in steps and signs of the Universe guiding me forward…

All of this thinking, listening, being aware of my thoughts as I ingest the new information from my latest audio playbacks from‘s representation of the various speakers from the start of this year. This meant this morning I was once again absorbing more from Ms Hough, to find myself at the end of my morning route, extremely tired and in need of a short nap that I allowed myself, the minute I finished all of the morning animal chores.

To wake up from the coolest of dreams of a football team scrimmage where as soon as the players on either side completed all their drills, be they offense or defense. They then each in turn, played all the drills for their opposing player to allow them to understand both sides of the play. Allowing me the deeper insight into not judging a situation as right or wrong, just allow the information I need to show itself and guide me to the answer I am seeking.

This then was played out in my life when I went back outside to ride. Spying my son’s dog still determinedly digging more holes in the same place for more gophers like the ones he killed 3 or 4 weeks back. So perfectly mirroring the holes my son was digging to make a fort in the ground. Aware of my initial thought of digging deep and going nowhere fast. I then head out to the pasture to remove several of the weeds that have gotten to monstrous to mow. My intention to cut them down was paused in the feeling to take the pick with me, to be rewarded with the ease of “digging” out what had appeared to be several plants in a clump, which was just actually one humongous weed with an extremely large base and a very deep root.With several expert swings of the pick dug out and uprooted the whole plant. My mind quickly grasped the concept of me “judging” how hard the whole process might be by my view from the distance. Versus the instinct to take the pick with the clippers, changing tactics when I got close enough to actually view, then decide the simplest most effective method. My mind reminding me of how frustrated I have been at getting my youngest to clean his room, and yet not go anywhere near the expression used by my parents to get me to do things “Because I said so!” Realizing this was a deep rooted idea, which now in recognizing and viewed differently all because I have learned to understand why I was stuck in the first place. It is so much easier to change myself than force change just because I think that what I another want changed on the outside will make me feel better. I realized I could accomplish more if I chose to change than talk and explain some long line of belief that I had clung onto for so very long.

This peace settled all through me. I knew I had uprooted not only the weed, but an old issue I now viewed differently. To have the rest of my day turn into a magical journey… Back to drive my evening route where they informed me the heavy rattling and shaking that had been a constant annoyance. Was because not only had the weight come off of a tire, but one of the tires was severely out of round. They changed it out and I had the smoothest ride in over a year. My son came home, after I changed my expectations, all chores done successfully, immediately, and the rooms (more than one) are clean.

Wow, just be in the moment, take out the judgment, allow for all things to be of the Universe conversing with me. Paying attention if how I am feeling is positive or negative. Remind myself to take things one step at a time, ease into change, pay attention, breathe in between thoughts, love, listen, and trust my instincts. It’s all good!


My lesson Thurs…

My lesson Thursday had progressed so far that she had the fun of imagining the horse she intends to own. The size, the color, the gender, the price range, on and on as I encouraged her to truly allow her imagination to take full reign. To find me Friday morning after the previous evening’s wonderful hard inch of rain, that so covered the ground as to make riding in the round pen having to wait an hour or so for better footing. The ideal time to run to town for feed, the post office, bank and grocery store to get donuts for breakfast. As I was walking in to the last stop, a horse friend stops me to say hello and ask if I have anyone in need of a horse. She begins to describe the exact horse my client had imagined the day before, but she has two of them to choose from.

I laugh; tell her I will make the call to see what I can set up between the two of them. Then get my shopping done, head home, unload, start saddling my first horse, calling my client and by the time I am done riding, have the arrangements for the horses to be viewed and tried. With my friend bringing the horses last night for me to evaluate before this morning’s sessions. Calling me before she leaves to see if I need anything from town. I tease with her about how she can bring me a man, who is tall, horse aware, on my level with how to handle and work with them, available, with all the amenities I keep expecting. She laughs and says she will see what she can do.

She arrives at my house later on with the horses, we them get unloaded, put one in the pen, get the other saddled, and just as I am beginning to work with the mare. Her phone rings, and as she is talking this truck pulls up down the drive. I question her if it is for her, not hearing her ask if it’s for me, both thinking the acknowledged responses meant this approaching man belonged to one of us. He walks up, I not knowing him introduce myself, he begins to explain about a situation he is in where he needs a horse trailer moved immediately, running into sudden truck problems. Spotted her rig hooked up figured we were good ole horse people, plus with my sign, figured we might be able to help.

By the time the evening was over, horses were tried out, the trailer got rescued, and we had met a new friend. Who after she went home, stayed outside talking horses and exchanging pleasantries till 11:30, with plans for me to show him a horse to buy later this evening. Allowing me to go to bed grinning, knowing the Universe had heard my request and in the most unique fashion possible had brought him here accompaning her arrival.

This morning’s test rides made the decision for my student quite easy, as both horses were responsive and allowed her to easily choose the one that best suited her idea of what felt right that she was desiring. The horse we are headed to go check out in a bit for the new guy, owner’s wife showed up this morning to watch me work a horse, after hearing her husband brag about what I do. After watching the lessons, invited me to stop at the house after I show the horse to my newest client, because now she has seen me work horses the way I do. She has one of her own, she would love me to do some tune up work on. My life just keeps unfolding, changing, and becoming more and more of what it is I have been so keenly working on and heading toward. I so love how my life keeps getting better and better!

It feels like w…

It feels like weeks have gone by since the last time I stopped to sit and write what was going on in my life and in my mind. All of the days since my last bus route, my son’s completion of the eighth grade and boot camp with my realization of how hard I had been struggling under the load of others suggestions, rules, ideas, scrutiny and anything other baggage I had been caring around, digging through and tending to because I had been so deeply convinced doing all of it would finally end in the payoff of fitting in, being okay, satisfying my place in the status quo.

When I saw the road stretched out behind me of not enoughness to then realize I have the choice of what I can do from now on. With this realization came this intense relief, this eruption of freedom from underneath the layers of “peanut gallery ite is” I had so bought into as real and the only way. I then found myself in almost any hour, for sometimes hours at a time, napping or sleeping deep in the sensation of relief.

At first when I caught myself asleep, again. I thought it was almost wrong. I would wake up, and still feel tired. To then find myself accomplishing some small thing, just one chore, one lesson, even a simple sandwich while I read a blog or page from my current book. To even then find myself dozing, sleepy, lack luster about anything, allowing millions of fragmented thoughts to just filter in, make note of, toss anything that had no feelings attached to them, play with the ones that stirred comfortable memories, and wonder at the lack of any ideas for tomorrow much less next week. To discover a blog from a writer describing a trip they had been on to get away from things for a while, and in returning home discovering a slight bug of feeling icky, tired, and the subsequent steps to taking care of themselves first and unpacking when they could. I became aware of the correlation to my trip of the last few years, all the digging, excavating, fixing, learning, changing and re-working of my entire way of life. Thinking how much I have put myself through with my usual bull dogged determination and how now my body was just recuperating from my massive undertaking of getting it done… one way or another.

Thankfully as I allowed the thoughts to wander in and out, took my time to allow my body to rest, do nothing, just soak. Sorting through past thoughts, much like cleaning house and finally getting to the junk draw where one puts things that might be of use some day, to discover when you actually clean it, about 80 to 90 percent of it was probably useful back then, but now it all is truly trash, so out it goes.

Finally finding me with the last 24 hours of three blissful sessions with horses and clients, suddenly feeling alive and revitalized. My newest lesson, at age 50 is learning how to ride and handle horses so that she can finally live her dream as a horse owner. She is having fun allowing this kid in her to come out and play. Experiencing the wonder of connection I share and teach as she shows up to learn how to let go, become a partner in dancing with the horse. This second lesson is much about her testing herself over what we went over the first lesson. The judgment of each little step causes her to struggle to find the “feel” of the horse. Being in this intense awareness of my personal discoveries of feeling every outside observer, I tease, play, invite and keep changing what she is asking of the horse, till I finally take the reins away, leading her through each pattern, step by step, getting her to breath, put her arms up, then out, then forward, till she relaxes enough to feel her own movement in and out of time with the horse. I play with getting her to breathe, close her eyes, just feel, think, experience, slowing the horse to just tiny, tiny steps, then stop, back up, forward, a little to the right then left. When I see the light go on, her whole body discovering how hard she had been trying to have fun, instead of just relaxing and enjoying herself.

As we get to the end of the lesson, she is now handling the reins as just guides to keep the horse between. No more death grips, tight holds, forcing things into place, now that she realizes the little mare matches everything she does, as a willing partner that moves so smoothly and easily if she is given the chance and the right cues. I thank the Universe for allowing me confirmation of my own intense struggle, acknowledging how much better a coach and trainer I am as I assist others to find their own connection to these wonderful creatures who are always mirroring back to me what I need to know and own as a wonderful creative creation of source. Experiencing life in the ways that fit perfectly for me.

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