An Alternate View…
The soap bottle incident had my full attention the next morning after writing my last post. It spoke to me of how my son helped me “pin point” the cause of the flies (things bugging me) about his room’s disarray, how it needed to be cleaned up, and how I had the ability to put all the right pieces together quickly. Manifesting the answers, the help, the changes, the perfect order of steps to make quick progression in the last few phases of me finding, acknowledging, and letting go of this big chunk of resistance, as I appreciated both myself for allowing the guidance, and my son for his all of his contributions.
The next 24 hours was then spent in being aware of how important it is in reviewing situations, taking another look, stepping back to separate oneself from the emotional impact of the moment. Breathe in, and then feel or allow a different perspective the ability to show what else might be found. The hidden from view nuances of guidance, tweaking, redirection and relief in following one’s intuition to just be, sense, look or move in an unforeseen direction, which then plays out in the perfect sequence to the questions asked. Knowing I had started that morning asking “what do I need to know?” and “how can I help?”
Bringing today’s first morning thought about the need of tapping on the word suspicion. This huge importance that stayed with me till I got the bus headed down the road after picking up my last student for the thirty minute stretch into San Antonio. Fascinated by all of the stuff that came up, as tapped on, released, understood where it was coming from, remembering the stories, sayings, beliefs, both passed on from my family, friends and the incidents triggered at various times in my life. Suddenly finding myself looking at an entire road map of my life, dictated by what I have been taught to experience as just the way life is.
After what felt like the 100th yawn, tears rolling down my cheek, various sides, as my eyes would periodically water, then clear, as the thoughts became less persistent to be noted, looked at then tapped away. As I felt the search for the root cause lessen, my energy then picked up on the uncertainty of “what is enough digging, tapping, clearing” how do I know I have shifted, and moved all of the negativity or misunderstanding’s out of my energy field?
When no answer was forthcoming, I decided to just allow the morning to be shown to me, as I parked my bus, checked in my keys. To have the dispatcher offer to set me up with the friend she had been telling me about the day before. I queried about him, highly aware of my morning’s theme, as she ticked off quite a few things on my appreciation list, and then his actual name came to the forefront. The “No, thank you” came out faster than when she spoke his name. I explained I had taught his son, I knew who he was, yes he was nice, but we did not see handling horses the same way. Said my good days and headed to the store for the few things needed at the house.
Then I found myself questioning myself, but no amount of the reasoning game going on in my mind, could shift the odd taste in my mouth. Or answer the darkening of the skies to the west, the calm before the storm, the sense of something big is coming, someone is about to appear, there is a great change in my life, a new story about to unfold. I felt the guidance in the store, as I picked up each item, many of my choices on sale today. Walked out into a heavy downpour, that lifted long enough to get the items in my truck, followed by a heavy drenching rain all the way to the house. Which quit, long enough to unload, feed, clean pens, and then turn the horses out, so I could come in here to catch up on my thoughts and this sense of expectation.
To find myself, comfortable, aware, tasting the wind, listening to the crashing thunder, knowing and feeling a difference I can’t quite yet, put my finger on. It’s almost like the crest of a wave, as I feel it welling up, almost to the tipping point, right before the swell brakes into a foamy wave. I feel this surging of interest in my total surroundings, expecting an answer be it by seeing the right set of clues laid out before me that my mind registers, yet does not apply the picture to the theme… not just yet. But it is there, this sense, to listen, feel the wind for direction, check to see what the next moment might send for me to understand awareness of each moment. I am enjoying the tension, it is pulling life through me, as I await the next move on the chess board of my life. The thrill of being totally alive, aware, knowing, all senses fully awake, aware, aroused…expecting an answer, because I have asked!